time to die is even closer than I previously thought...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by DatAlgorithm, Aug 14, 2012.

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  1. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    everything has quickly gotten from decent to unbearable only 1 day after my vacation. my skin is breaking out worse than it ever has before on my shoulders and even back... if you don't think that acne is a reason to kill yourself, FUCK YOU. That automatically shows that you have no acne problems and you cannot relate to what the shit I've been cursed with, meaning you have NO room to preach to me or even tell me "I know what you mean. Ohplzplzplz don't dai! yer life is seeeew werth something, but don't DARE tries superstardom, oh noez! Yer not good enough! But live a half-assed mangina life fer uz pleeeeeze!!!"

    I did promise myself to at least give superstardom an honest shot before I go beyond the pale (I believe if one's mind is THAT set on suicide, at LEAST do what you've always wanted to do but held back from for whatever reason, unless it's something that actually hurts/kills others) since singing and acting (maybe comedy) are really my only trump cards left that mother nature gave me because I completely suck at everything else in life (well, I do suck at those 3 things too, but at least I can say I enjoy them or at the very least the idea of doing them) but because of how bad my skin is ALONE, I can expect to be rejected from all 3 of those right off the fucking bat. I'll still try 'cause I at least respect myself enough to keep my own promises to myself and not back down, but I do know how to kill myself, so yeah, I'm guaranteed to die very soon, unless you believe in miracles or "underdog wins" crap they show on sappy feel-good movies and that shit actually happens to me.

    To the few of you on this board/chat/site that I actually like, thank you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 14, 2012
  2. Alarnia

    Alarnia Member

    Well I would comment but seems you so intent it would be pointless and since your in such a bad mood and so fed up nothing id say helps sooo hmm i guess i will say hope things work out and i hope somehow you find a way through this without ending your life.
  3. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Meh... I'm not going to give you any happy cheery crap message or anything, don't worry. But they say misery loves company, so I just thought you'd like to know that I'm 33 years old and still have worse acne than most teenagers. Yeah, it fucking sucks. I feel like an ugly piece of shit, and there's nothing I can do to fix it. The only time I experienced somewhat clear skin since the age of maybe 11 was when my dermatologist put me on a heavy dose of antibiotics. Nothing else I've used has ever worked. The antibiotics were great, until one day she tells me, "you can't be on antibiotics for the rest of your life, so I'm going to take you off of them and hopefully your skin stays clear". Yeah, well, 2 weeks after I stopped taking them, the shit came back like it had never left. No, worse actually. And it's been that way ever since. I don't even bother worrying about it anymore because I know there isn't a fucking thing I can do about it. Even my own skin hates me.
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    My fiance used to suffer from acne really badly when he was younger and it did used to be devastating for him, but there are treatments you can try. My fiance used to take oxytetracycline for his acne, and it did help. Dermatologists are also a good avenue to try because they can offer you a lot of advice and treatments for your skin.
  5. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we love you here buddy.
  6. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    nothing is working. I'm truly an ugly piece of shit; the product of my parents' inability to think LOGICALLY before having another child... their dumbass baby boomer "logic" and carelessly turning a blind eye to genetic problems like my dad's back full of acne scars and my grandmother's ridiculous hormones and my mom being an uber pale and boring wallflower... the list is non-stop. Don't get me wrong; I'm not trying to sound like an angsty teenager acting like everything is my parents fault... it's mostly my fault for not accepting my fate of being some nobody who would be fortunate to have some disposable sterile-ass boring suburban existence and yearning for that of a superstar like Randy Marsh from South Park, living some half-assed fence-sitting existence of self-sacrifice for the sake of people and a clandestine government who could truly give a shit less about me. I'm not bitter; I'm ok with dying now. Everything that's happened to me in these 24 years is a benevolent sign from the TRUE almighty authority (nature herself) telling me I'm far from fit to live, and that's fine by me; it's truly up to nature to decide, and if it weren't for modern technology (a double-edged sword,) I wouldn't be alive much less would have been born in the first place anyways, which is what should've happened. Only the strong, intelligent and beautiful (or all 3 of the above) in ALL SPECIES living on this blue sphere of god-shit survive and get the best of everything, the rest have to be content with mediocrity or less, and I'm envious even of them 'cause most of them are completely content or happy with being subjugated shiftless proles or suburbanites. However, I'm ok with dying... again my only condition is to at LEAST give my trump card(s) a try 'cause there IS a chance (no matter how small) that they might just work and I'll have reason to smile and to live on. It's rare as hell, but there are a couple times in my life where I've seen complete pizza-faces (who aren't even wearing fancy clothes) holding hands with women who look like supermodels, so there IS a small chance things could work out for me, but I do understand reality is reality and nature is going to do whatever she wants no matter what. Too bad there's so many fence-sitting losers out there who want to drag me away with them to a life of indentured servitude and lifelong subjugation for the sake of the "sanctity" (HAH!) of life. Oh well, I guess there's no getting the sheeple to understand, and the urge and programing to breed is so strong that people aren't even happy with ONE child. Fucking stupid-ass emotionally-charged god-complex delusional bipeds... I can't wait to die and finally be freed from being one of them.
  7. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    As always, I'm sorry you are not feeling well. I respond to your post with a little fear that your reply may be negative toward my attempt to assist, but take that chance because I know I can contribute constructively to your situation. I won't touch on most of your comments for the already stated reason, but I will address your "trump card" aspirations. Your desire to pursue singing and acting cross over to fields that I know quiet a bit about (the decision making process involved in each is where I make my living). With that said, what is the plan that you have in place to put your trump card into motion? This is not a loaded question, I seriously have an interest since, as I said, it relates to what I do every day. I'm open to discussing the topic if you're sincere about the trump desire. Either way, wishing you peace and success.
  8. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    I've explained it to you several times, so perhaps you're not as good a listener as you might think you are, but because you've refrained from your typical Ned Flanders shit, I'll give you the best explanation I possibly can; I HATE using corporate slogans, but for the sake of explanation, I'm going to "grab life by the horns" and "just do it." I mean, shit, my life is fucked anyways, I'm getting kicked out in less than 6 months, I have no job and won't pass a drug test 'cause of my own lack of willpower, my friends treat me like an outdoor cat at best, I'm not good at anything including beating retarded video games that middle schoolers can conquer easily, dropped outta school 3 times, am short, stupid and ugly and I can go on and on. FUCK this honky-ass shit called "planning", I think "planning" shit out has fucked me worse than anything else, as well as it being one of the things that makes music nowadays suck... nobody has the balls (key word here) to just GO FOR IT; they get all scared and act like if they or a bandmate hit a clam or go off-beat for a sixteenth of a count, Lucifer and the 4 horsemen are going to come down and hang, draw, and quarter them and take turns sodomizing their dismembered bodies. I'm not kidding. They waste all this fucking time worrying "what if I fail? omgomgomg!" thanks to shows like American Idol and that PRICK Simon Cowell (who judges singing without being able to sing HIMSELF BTW) to the point they don't even TRY and give an honest balls to the wall effort, unless they break their bank account (taking out LOANS FFS) and 4-10 years of their life at music school for it, and EVEN THEN they probably won't even come close to who or what they wanna be. They'll spend their time with their tails between their legs looking for "something to fall back on" instead of trying to NOT FALL BACK IN THE FIRST PLACE. Basically, people suck ass and nobody shares my mentality (not even PUNK ROCKERS ffs! I don't really care for punk rock, but I'm just saying this American Idol skurred ass white boy shit has even spread to fucking supposedly anti-establishment PUNK ROCK!) and I can't make music myself (I tried, it sounds like ass though) so I guess the only thing I have left is acting; the way I re-enact scenes from well-known movies verbatim and how people say I look like various people/characters in the movies they watch, have an assload of different facial expressions, and am somewhat of an impressionist... but at the very least, I suppose I'm pathetic enough for people to get a good laugh at (they already have,) so I should at least try to exploit it if I'm going to off myself anyways, right? What difference does it make? If I stop being a lil bitch and just GO FOR IT 'cause I'm fucked anyways even if I don't try and end up in a sub-mediocre sub-suburban boring, sterile, lifeless existence with a dick-load of strings attached like the rest of my family (at best,) then I can at least rest and know that I gave it my all for what I truly wanted out of life when I take the mortal coil. It's really as simple as a Mexican soda.

    Don't get it twisted though, I'm not looking for your or anyone else's on this fucking site's approval; I'm doing it even if you or anyone else goes "Yew won't make it! omg self-sacrifice is the ONLY way! Don't kill yerself, you're not good enough for what you truly want, but PLEEZE be a disposable piece of shit section8 mangina PLEEEEZE fer the sake of people whod on't givashit about yew anyways! JEEEBUS LUUUUVS UUUUU!!111!11!/1" cause it's MY LIFE, not yours, not my family's, but MINE. I believe enough I should take my life if I so please 'cause it's MINE and it's supposedly a gift. I just want to make the most of this "gift" before I return it even if I don't get my refund.

    Anyways, skipping the fryer stuff, thanks for the well-wishing.
  9. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

  10. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    Er? What exactly is mexican soda? I don't think I came across that in Walmart.
  11. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    Mexican Soda has real sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup... as does Mexican coke and pepsi. Where I live you can buy Mexican coke @ Target
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