"time to die"

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jake.x.99, Jan 4, 2016.

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  1. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    i know i'm at the very end now. there's this sense of something akin to relief . . . it's painful and yet somehow comforting to be resigned to this now, to know with absolute certainty that it is the right thing -- the best thing -- to do for everyone. there is a scene from a movie playing over and over in my head where one of the main characters, who has been fighting against his inevitable death throughout the whole movie, becomes resigned to it, and says simply, "time to die" as he sits down and dies. i think this runs through my head on a constant loop because i know that is where i am. i have put it off and avoided it, but the time for all of that is gone, and now it is just my time to die.
     
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  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is time now to reach out and get the help you need and deserve ok It is NOT better for everyone it will hurt so many YOU deserve support and it is there go to hospital call crisis line talk to your doctor therapist but don't give up ok not when there is help for you hugs
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Jake, I strongly urge you to seek medical attention, this has gone too far for you now and you need someone understanding and caring around you and you need to also know that you are not alone in your thoughts. While depression is an absolute nightmare please remember that you can recover and get healthy and better again. There are so many treatments doctors can offer you these days, you just have to not give in to your thoughts and try and remain strong.
     
  4. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    thank you, total eclipse and Petal, for your thoughts and encouragement. you are right that, in nearly every instance, there is help out there and no one needs to fight on their own to stay safe. my situation is different, though, and while i would be right there with you urging anyone else considering this path to ask for help, this is the right thing for me to do -- it is the only thing left to me to spare the people i love from the pain and suffering i have inflicted on them. it is what i deserve, and what i have to do now. thank you again for your support -- this is a wonderful site, populated by caring people, and i hope that each of you finds the help and peace that you deserve.
     
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  5. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member


    Jake, I am sorry, when you take your own life, You spare no one! nothing is accomplished except all those that you love, care for and know, ask why!
    it is an unresolved question, there are no answers in Suicide, from the time an act like that happens until that time they pass on they keep asking why, This is not a kind thing to do to anyone! It also leaves you no alternative, You are facing problems that may be temporary and trying to fix them with a permanent solution, There is no do over, no changing your mind, no recall no second chance, there is Nothing ! THE END!
     
  6. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    but i won't leave them wondering "why." i will make sure that they have the answer to that question. they will understand that it was the right thing to do under the circumstances. it is a permanent solution, but to a permanent problem, not a temporary one. they will suffer longer -- maybe permanently -- if i do not take my life. only by killing myself can i ensure that their suffering because of me will be just very brief -- maybe not even at all.
     
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  7. jannu

    jannu Member

    That's about where I am now....it's time. I've screwed up my life something fierce and there's no way to fix it.
     
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  8. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    jannu, thanks very much for your response, but please don't lose hope -- there is almost always a way to fix any problem. you do not need to be (and should not be) in the same place as me. sometimes it only takes a fresh perspective to find a way out of a situation that you think is screwed up beyond repair. ask for help . . . there's always help available.
     
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  9. jannu

    jannu Member

    Oh, God...I have screwed up and it can't be fixed. My situation is not good and just getting worse. The one person I could always count on is now unable to help.
     
  10. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    everything can be fixed, jannu. nothing is unrepairable. if the person you always count on is not able to help, there will be someone else who is. can you tell me about this situation, and maybe we can come up with some way to identify someone who will be able to help you sort it out.
     
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  11. jannu

    jannu Member

    Oh, God...it's indebtedness, an extra-marital relational ( non-sexual, of sorts, but it's a relationship that's gone on for 18 years ) and a marriage that is 33 years old.
     
  12. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    all of those things have solutions, jannu. let me know if you want to talk about them . . . i cannot promise i have any answers, but maybe we can work out a plan to find answers. part of the trouble, i suspect, is that there are multiple problems, intertwined a little, but different. and that makes everything all the more overwhelming. you need to work through them in smaller bites -- one at a time. you can get through these, jannu. i promise you that it's possible.
     
  13. jannu

    jannu Member

    Jake. it's a long story and it's my own fault. Are you sure you want to hear this ?
     
  14. jannu

    jannu Member

     
  15. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    jannu, i am open to hearing anything and doing whatever i can to help
     
  16. jannu

    jannu Member

    I have been married a long time. In some ways, it's become more of a room mate situation. There's love there, but the physical side of it died a long time ago, maybe as far back as 1990. In 1997, I met a man by sheer chance and it was a strong connection, except for the fact that he has ED issues and is also married. There was never a chance we would leave our marriages, even though we were very happy when we did have time together. There was, and is, a strong bond between us. It was so strong we did make, crazy as it sounds, " vows " to each other. For a long time, it was very good and to be honest, he insisted he help support me financially, as well as emotionally. Now, that's down the drain and he's unable to do it and I am left with almost 40K in debt. To make matters worse, my health is not great - I have autoimmune disease. I cannot go to my husband with this...I have nowhere to go but down.
     
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