i know i'm at the very end now. there's this sense of something akin to relief . . . it's painful and yet somehow comforting to be resigned to this now, to know with absolute certainty that it is the right thing -- the best thing -- to do for everyone. there is a scene from a movie playing over and over in my head where one of the main characters, who has been fighting against his inevitable death throughout the whole movie, becomes resigned to it, and says simply, "time to die" as he sits down and dies. i think this runs through my head on a constant loop because i know that is where i am. i have put it off and avoided it, but the time for all of that is gone, and now it is just my time to die.