Time to die

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Menchi, Jul 25, 2009.

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  1. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    I'm sick of the bullshit everyone is always saying to me, work going around thinking they can screw me over, treat me like shit, do what they want with me, lie to me over everything, and then do whatever they fucking say. I can't even afford to eat now, they want to kill me or something, but i'm going to take them down with me. I need to die, its my time, i can't fight, i'm useless, i cant do what i need to be, i cant afford to live, i cant afford to be the person that i have to be for anyone here, and i dont have any way out, anything i can do.

    Its time for me to die, i know that, there isn't any doubt this time. Not that i got to chat to many people on here, but thanks to those i had chatted with a couple of times. I'm going to do the last things i need to do, to get ready for this, and then im going to finally be free, finally stop them from destroying me piece by piece, only i can take away what i am, i wont let them do it for me.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I have not gotten the chance to get to know you so this probably sounds insincere to you but I sure as hell don't want you to commit. Please I know things really suck right now but you have us which is a new thing in your life and well it has made all the difference in the world to me.

    The night I joined I was like you...just done! Tired of the BS and tired of fighting but I got some love and support here and it made all the difference in the world to me and I believe it can for you too. Please hang in there a little longer please!

    I am here for you and I know a few others that are not online right now that sure as hell would be replying right now to you offering their support and caring. We all care here I believe just watch as people reply (may be delay as servers are changing).
    Please let us help support you, offer our friendship and be there for you as you sort things out. There is no quick fix but lots can be done I am sure. You alone must do it but you don't have to do it alone so please, please hang in there.

    I am so glad you posted because I care. Can you tell us a bit more about what is going on as far as work? They don't sound too nice there so if you want to talk about something else I get it but please do let us know what is going on.

    Take care and hope to hear back real soon. You can PM or IM too if that feels more comfortable to you.

    Love and hugs,
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    You're not useless. I don't know what's going on, but I think you can keep fighting. There are lots of people here who do care, and who would like to help or be your friend. I hope you can hold on and talk to us about what's going on.
  4. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    Basically, work are a load of lying shit merchants... at least those who are owning and running the place. Started there last year, full time contract, wasn't a great job, but the way things are, it was decent enough, a place to get started... bout 4 months down the line, everyone got bullied into changing their contracts to part time, or getting fired basically. Got told it was a temporary thing, couple of months or so, depending on how things were going in the company, maybe 25/30 hours a week, and those who were making more money would get a few more hours... I mean fair enough, times are hard and all that, was only temporary, and still earning enough to live on, as im staying with my girlfriend and her family for now, so not too bad. The last couple of months i'd been the top seller pretty much, made the most profit, wasn't much in between most people though, so wasn't too fussed, but straight from the start i was getting less hours than everyone else, and quiet hours too, so wasn't able to sell as much, which meant i then got less again, but was still getting around 25 hours a week to live on, which i could just about manage, though one or two people in the store were doing everything they can to get one over on everyone else, and try to steal sales and stuff like that... not that the management gave a fuck, they said it was about the store, and not individuals, and when the guy who had been doing it the most threatened to walk out if they didn't give him more hours, they went and did it, and since then, he has just been sucking up, doing everything he can to get sales, but avoid work, and while most of the people in the store see it, the manager and the owner don't.... but now things have got even worse, hours keep going down, they keep giving me worse hours, so i can't possibly make as much as other people (late shifts, or like 2 hour shifts in the middle of the day or something stupid)... Owner doesn't know how to run the fucking place, so is just trying to slash costs even more, was told by my manager earlier that hours would be cut again, while things weren't getting better... then got the rota, and found out i've got like 10 hours, when everyone else has got between 27 and 32, despite being on the same contracts, and my rate of profit, despite my hours, pretty good...
    Seems like they are trying to drive me out of the company, but make me leave so they dont have to pay me compensation or something, i don't know. I literally can't live on that, its my only income, i can't even get benefits for support or anything because i'm in a different country... i'm so sick of them saying one thing, then treating me like shit, think they can do what they want, take advantage of people because of the way things are in the economy. Most of the guys at work are fine though to be honest, just one in particular is spewing out the sort of bullshit they love to hear, and getting rewarded for it, but does less than everyone else in the store, unless the manager or owner is watching, and he can brag about it...

    And it all means i can't afford to live here any more, but i don't want to go back to where i was, or i would kill myself there, but i can't survive here, and its pretty much impossible to get a job, and all i have here is people at me all the time, means i can never spend time on anything, can't get any peace, or relax or anything, which has driven me to the point where i have to do this. There's just no other way out, i can't take the pressure any more, i can't take all the shit that keeps piling up, and i can't escape from any of it.
  5. confuzzle

    confuzzle Well-Known Member

    I know how much work can kill your life. I worked my heart out, and they just step over me, and still expect me to give 110%. Well fuck them.

    I'm sorry to hear that times are hard on you. Could you possibly relocate somewhere more affordable for the moment, other than where you came from? Just a thought..

    I know all about suck ups and people who gain while they do nothing. Here you are, working, and not getting any recognition. You are stronger than them, remember that. You know that working hard is good, honest, and a moral way to live. Fuck those lazy fuckers, you are a real gem.

    hope that helps
  6. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    I can't afford to, the only reason i'm able to afford where i am is because i'm staying with my girlfriends family. If i wasn't, i wouldn't be able to even afford rent or anything, especially on what they are paying me. Not that it feels like she cares most of the time, she has just come back from holiday, but she seems to want to spend time with everyone but me.

    fuck it, wont have to deal with this much longer, i know its my time.
  7. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    What about your family? Mine were totally un-supportive until just NOW when they realized how bad off i was doing.
    If they knew that you were in a bad spot would they help out? Sorry if this seems like a stupid suggestion but I got help from family when I was at my lowest point and I did not expect it.

    Where are you at btw?

    Do you have the support of extended family or friends?

    Hugs B
  8. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    My family are back in England (i'm in Ireland), and the biggest reason i wanted to leave the country, i couldn't cut it there. My dad was an evil abusive bastard who had fun attacking me, treating me like shit, generally making my life hell, trying to control every little thing i did...

    And since i came over here, the only people i've talked to are the girlfriend and her family, and the people at work. The few friends i had are back in England, but they don't know any of the stuff i've been through, and i don't want them to... mostly, they aren't close enough friends, and i wouldn't want to burden them with that stuff anyway.
  9. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Well you have friends here !

    Well i wrote you in PM so don't want to repeat here but I will urge you to be a more easy on yourself again.

    Please let us know how your doing.

  10. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    I'm still pissed off at everything, but i might leave it a couple of days before i end it, till the manager is back in store, or the owner as well, so i can do things properly, get that feeling back that i had yesterday, instead of just fizzling out and dying in the bedroom alone.
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