Time to drop the bomb?

So I think it's time I just drop the bomb and say everything I've thought and felt to my therapist. I've printed off the notes I wrote saying everything I couldn't say in person over the last 3 years. The apologies, the selfish wants and the reasons why suicide is something I've so completely thought about.

I don't care what the consequences are anymore. My mind will not shut up and I just need someone to know how fucked up it is inside there. If I end up in some looney bin, then so be it.

These things are so embarrassing but I don't think I could ever say them any other way.

I read over them and all I think about is what will others think. I'm just so tired of trying to be someone that people like and hiding the fact that I may be a complete asshole.

 

I'm sure you are not an asshole Bigman. I think you are making a good move getting everything out in the open. We cannot live our lives trying to be something we are not. That way leads to self destruction. Be yourself. If others can't cope with that ,that's their problem. Best wishes and I hope things work out for you.

 

Bigman i've dropped the 'bomb' as you put it just as you are about to do. The 'concsequences' was a better understanding of my shrink and he didnt send me to the loona bin. He just got a better understanding and his therapy was adjusted to suit what was really going on. I felt relief in sharing what was hiding behind the mask. We cant be someone we arent so snowraven is right in his advise. If pple cant accept or cope with who you are, its is THEIR problem, not yours. Stop thiking about what others think of you and live your life as best. Best wishes to you hun

If you need to talk, pm me anytime you like
granny xx

 

Remember, the therapist is non judgemental and she cannot and will not share your information unless you directly say to her your intent to harm someone else.

Unless you say something like "I am certain I will go home and kill myself" she cannot do anything. If you express the idea of doing it, she will not freak out.

 

Thanks for the responses.

The main reason I care what others think is because I'm already alone as it is and I don't want to give the few people that actually hang out with me once and awhile, a reason to leave too.

I just feel stupid about the things I'm focused on. They're important to me but I know everyone else will be like "get this other stuff first, then meeting someone will come later".

I'm fucking 24 and feel like I've completely missed the part of life where you're supposed to learn and make mistakes because you can and still correct them. Now I feel like I'm supposed to be an adult but I've never been a kid.

Add to this that she is a school therapist/counselor (don't have money for a more personal one) so I'm not even sure if this is the crap I should be talking to her about. I'm so confused and never stop second guessing everything I do.

 

Hey, best to do this now whilst you're still reasonably young, and from personal experience it definitely is POSSIBLE to start to learn things, although not necessarily easy. I don't obviously know what your issues are, but please get these things off your chest if you feel that is what you need to do.

 

I think you should reveal what you feel best represents you and worry about others impression later...the most important mission is to feel authentic and to get the support you need/want...big hugs, J