This shit isn't who I am. It isn't who I have ever been. The drama and self loathing and emotional outpourings... totally not me. Totally unacceptable and needless. I'd say I have no idea how I became this person - only that isn't true. I can map it all out and see where the turning points were... I know what parts were my fault and what parts were just shitty bad luck and crappy people. It's time to stop now. Enough already. Yes it was shit - yes crap happened. But the key point here is HAPPENED - as in, occurred in the PAST. Why on earth am I letting it eat into my present and convince me there isn't any future? I am smart and I am nice and I am occasionally funny. I have enough talent at enough things to get off my arse and put my god damned life back together. So enough now. I am gonna start a new diary and map the GOOD and POSITIVE things that are going to bloody well change. I am going to prove to myself that you can start from nothing but self hatred and become someone you like and respect. If you want to join me it will be in the Diary section ^^^ up there somewhere. I believe in myself and I believe in my future. (And I will tell myself that over and over until I believe it entirely rather than sporadically). Good things can happen. Good feelings can be felt. Apologies and thanks to all who have put up with me til now - but I'm done now. Done with the whiney self absorbed self pitying attention seeking bollocks. To all of you with real problems - I salute you for never telling me to get over myself and shut the hell up.