Time to get a grip...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Freya, Mar 5, 2012.

  1. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    This shit isn't who I am. It isn't who I have ever been. The drama and self loathing and emotional outpourings... totally not me. Totally unacceptable and needless.

    I'd say I have no idea how I became this person - only that isn't true. I can map it all out and see where the turning points were... I know what parts were my fault and what parts were just shitty bad luck and crappy people.
    It's time to stop now. Enough already. Yes it was shit - yes crap happened. But the key point here is HAPPENED - as in, occurred in the PAST. Why on earth am I letting it eat into my present and convince me there isn't any future?

    I am smart and I am nice and I am occasionally funny. I have enough talent at enough things to get off my arse and put my god damned life back together. So enough now.

    I am gonna start a new diary and map the GOOD and POSITIVE things that are going to bloody well change. I am going to prove to myself that you can start from nothing but self hatred and become someone you like and respect. If you want to join me it will be in the Diary section ^^^ up there somewhere.

    I believe in myself and I believe in my future. (And I will tell myself that over and over until I believe it entirely rather than sporadically). Good things can happen. Good feelings can be felt.

    Apologies and thanks to all who have put up with me til now - but I'm done now. Done with the whiney self absorbed self pitying attention seeking bollocks. To all of you with real problems - I salute you for never telling me to get over myself and shut the hell up.
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    You shouldn't be so hard on yourself...we all go through times when we just feel awful, and sometimes just let all of our emotions out at once. It doesn't reflect badly on you because it's only temporary. There are people in the world who always upset people and don't care, but you aren't one of those people. You seem to be very nice and caring from your postings on here. That is good to hear that you are going to start thinking more positive and change things about your life. That's what I'm doing too, and I think it will be the start of great things. So, best of luck to you and I'm sure that you will do great at achieving your goals. :hug:
  3. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    aw, lu. this post is so great! your positivity is really inspiring. best wishes to you on achieving all your goals and getting out of this. i look forward to seeing your progress in member diaries =D
  4. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Witty sarcasm :hug:
    Jen :hug:

    Thank you both :) saying it and doing it are different - seemed so easy last night to decide... was less easy at work today but I am proud of myself. No idea how many times I turned scarlet today (social anxiety + fair skin = attractive blotchy blushing) but I refused to let it stop me starting conversations and trying my damndest to be the person I remember being once. It feels good to be honest - I am home and I am exhausted (who knew simply talking to people could be so tiring?) but I am so proud of myself for not sitting in a corner behind my computer not talking to anyone all day :)

    Not sure I am writing this in the right place... its not very ranty/let it all out. Hmmm
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    That's good that you are talking to people...that's something I'm working on too. It's hard but it will get easier the more you do it.