Time to give in

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by virgo, Apr 20, 2012.

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  1. virgo

    virgo Member

    I viewed my five kids' facebook sites and discovered that although they have listed their father (ex-husband) as their parent, there is no mention of me as their mother. One of them has even lied, giving someone else's name as their mother. I have spent 22 years caring for them and they have just thrown me out of their lives. The last time I saw them was 7 months ago, and I've had no other contact with them since. Is it so wrong to become mentally ill? I didn't ask to develop the conditions that I have. I didn't deliberately go looking for a nervous breakdown. I hurt so badly that I really, really want to stop living now. My life has become a living nightmare and this is the last straw. I can't cope with any more. I've been fighting suicidal impulses for so long. I think that it's time to give in.
     
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    That is an awful thing to happen virgo, I am sorry your children are not more accepting of your situation.
    Please do not give in, you can fight this and create a new life for yourself.

    have you tried writing to them, something like that?
     
  3. teslatrooper

    teslatrooper Member

    This may sound harsh, but at least you mothered 5 children. 5 children that thanks to your love and devotion are out their safe in the world. So biologically speaking you have your duty to the fullest, and you should be proud of that fact. I dont know your situation personally, but regardless of whats happened or whats been done, there is always some kind of love and bond that exists between a parent and child, even if they no longer know it.

    Kids do strange things at times. When my grandmother was dying and here mental health was deteriorating, there was a level of frustration amongst all of us, i.e her children and grandchildren. Without her non of us would be here. Yet despite that we still behaved the way we did. And to be perfectly honest it was tough caring for her, along with all the other stuff we had going on aswell. But because of her we are all here today, and for that we should be grateful. The day she died, she told the nurse her grandson came to visit her.

    In terms of patching things up, you have 5 children. Assumingly if you reach out to them, at least one of them may be willing to let you back into their lives, seen as you are their mother. Again I can only gauge your situation from the snapshot of information you have provided, and ultimately its bias from your own perspective.

    End of the day if you commit suicide, what will it achieve? Will it repair your relationship with your children? This is obviously the outcome you want. For them to recognise you as their mother, and acknowledge the sacrifices you have made to mother them into this world. Suicide will not achieve this. Hard work and an unrelenting attitude in the face of what even may be a cold/hostile/unwelcoming reception from your children, may work. If it does not, then keep trying.

    If repairing the relationship is what you seek, then finding the key to the door that will open this outcome for you, is the answer. It is up to you to find out what the key is. Your only option to reach your desired outcome is to do this. Suicide will close all doors forever, and the chance with you no longer on this planet is, that your children really will move on. Sad as it is, even when our most loved pass, eventually in some way we move on. If however you are still on this planet, and still trying to reconcile, there is no way they can move on or even forget you, because you are still there trying and percevering.
     
  4. virgo

    virgo Member

    Thank you so much for your response, windlepoons. I don't feel quite so alone. I've tried SMSing and 'phoning. Writing doesn't seem to be one of the things that kids do today. I even got my sister to take them out for dinner and talk to them. We had two family counseling sessions at the psychiatric hospital before I was discharged, and those turned into mom-bashing sessions. I've tried, I really have tried, but they don't want to know.
     
  5. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Good, I am glad you feel a little better.
    It does sound like you have become the 'sin-eater' for your family, the person to blame for everything.
    As teslatrooper says, maybe one will connect with you, if you approach them singly rather than as a group. In a group the one with the strongest emotion will often control the group's responses.

    If not, well you have tried. All you can do is live on and give them the chance to get over their own issues with the past and make it up with you.
     
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