So I am still not wanting to live. The pain - both physical and emtional is too high and I am waiting for the weekend. My pain is getting so bad I can hardly move. And I cant keep my emotional pain under control - I have successfully held it at bay for almost 2 weeks now since I got out of hospital from the last attempt. I dont know if I even want help now. I am supposed to see the therapist tomorrow but I dont know what I am going to tell her. She cant help - noone can. I wont be going to group on Thursday. I miss my kids dreadfully and nothing is going to change. My breakdown 16 months ago was the beginning of the end. I never knew that I would lose everything and everyone. I cant take life any more. Sorry to unload but there is nowhere else to go. And I know that noone here can really help either. My tears are just not going to stop. I am so pathetic.