Hey aeou,
You don't have to do this. Life can get better for you. Right now you need to work for it. Go to a therapist and talk this out with them. They will teach you coping skills to keep you on a positive path.
Everyone is different you just need to find out who you are!! I know you care because I have read your posts to others. You need to work on yourself for a while the forum will always be here to offer support.
Please don't harm yourself. You will not only be missed by your friends here but your family will also be greiving you. It's not something you can take back. Once you do it, it is done and over with. Reach out for the help and put forth the effort. I know how hard that is. Everytime I have to see my therapist I have to get off my ass and force myself to go. It's not her fault I just don't have any motivation. So you see, it is like I said something you have to work for. Please Stay Strong!!~Joseph~