Time to Go

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ozinuk, Mar 20, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    Over the past couple of weeks my mental state has steadily become so fractured I now believe there is no going back, no picking up the pieces because those pieces are in pieces and I no longer gave the emotional glue to put the back together. :blub: :nerves:

    People have told me in the past once you're down the only way is up what a load of horse apples I'm still going down like a runaway elevator. I don't want to go any further I need to put a stop to this for the sake of other because the longer I'm in freefall the more people get hurt and that is one of my problems hurting people. I can't endure anymore I have nothing left to fight with, at the moment I'm living hour by hour that's not living. :blub: :sad:
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Who do you feel you're hurting?

    I really hope you'll keep talking here...
     
  3. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    Anyone who comes in contact with me is bound to be hurt. I'm tired of people suffering :sad:
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You mean on here, or in your personal life?

    I don't think you're hurting people. I think people have hurt you and let you down though.
     
  5. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    I don't see it that way anymore one rotten apple ruins the how barrel that's what I see myself as.....................it's been too long now too long :blub:
     
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Too long for what? :hug: I don't see you as a rotten apple. I see you as a truly good person who has been hurt and let down over and over again.
     
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I agree with Wildcherry.....
    I can hear the pain you're in and I wish you'd get some more help...
    you don't deserve to die...
     
  8. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    And I don't deserve to live people have suffered because of my depression and ptsd they shouldn't need to put up with the sort of life I put them through. :sad: There was never any violence or verbal abuse in my marriage I isolated myself from them so they wouldn't be affected but it still did, they had to endure a husband and step father who would wake up sreamind and shouting in the middle of the night, duck for cover if a car backfired or avoid crowds or would sit around not being very pleasant it had a major effect on them and it was I who did that. :blub: I deserve what I get and I hope it happens soon. :blub: :blub: :blub:
     
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're the one who has been put through so much. You don't deserve all the pain you've been put through by people who have hurt you. The depression and PTSD aren't your fault.

    I'm not denying that your PTSD had an impact on those around you. But I remember from previous posts you made that they weren't exactly supportive. They lashed out at you instead of trying to be there to help you through it.

    You don't deserve to die; you deserve to be listened to and supported.
     
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I don't believe you deserve to die because of how you are acting ...
    you said you weren't violent and you didn't verbally abuse your family...
    that is a plus considering the stress you're under.....
    it's not your fault you have PTSD and depression....it was caused by your job...
    the government should help you fix it and pronto....
     
  11. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to do, I have all the material things I could ever want, I want for nothing except all the simple things that most people take for granted, to live without the daily torment which is this wretched thing I call life, peace, happiness and to trust. These things are beyond my reach, unattainable, a fantasy. :sad:
    The simple things in life are what make life worth living :blub: am I living no :no: my soul died long ago by body hasn't caught up yet. :blub: :blub:
     
  12. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    QUOTE:
    "my soul died long ago by body hasn't caught up yet."
    that's the quote i used in my post last week Steve so I know what that's like...different cause but same dead sole.....
    maybe our soles aren't dead but just numb from all the pain...
    there's got to be a way to bring it back to life....I reckon try more help...
    it's bloody hard I know but there is no other way.....
    would they adjust your meds??
    I want you to keep fighting..
     
  13. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    Sorry for plagiarizing your quote but it is so appropriate to how I am and where I'm at. Med's changed, Dr's changed, environment changed, nothing left to change.. I'm broken and break those around me :sad: rotten apple comes to mind :lone: :sad:
     
  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    don't worry about using the quote...I think I plagiarized it too...
    I so wish I could help you more.....hugs
     
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Material things aren't what's important though. I learned that a long time ago! It's the simple things that really matter!

    You may feel broken right now, but you don't break those around you. :hug:
     
  16. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    thinking of you...
    hope you're still fighting...

    :arms:
     
  17. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry if you got the impression I was putting possessions above everything else, that isn't the case at all. Material things mean absolutly nothing to me, to me they have and never had any value. The most valuable things a person can have is the things money cannot buy happiness, love, contentment, peace etc the little things are the most important things.:sad:

    I have none of these things, I use to a long time ago but no more and too be honest I will never experience any of the things again. Without them there is no future and I cannot live without the little things. When I was abandoned by the system and my family they took these things with them and because of these things there's nothing more to be achieved by hanging around. I'm sorry for the rant and for bothering you.:blub: :blub: :blub:
     
  18. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    does thinking about that abandonment make you angry ??
    I get angry when I think of the people who have abandoned me...
    I think of the saying....."depression equals anger internalised"
     
  19. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    you are definately not bothering me....hugs
     
  20. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    Ms

    I definitely know how you feel. Each day is a struggle to find some reason to live. Very few people understand that severe depression and ptsd do not go away that they are a daily fight. I also understand what you mean about having a dead soul. I feel the same way. I'm sorry that your family isn't supportive. Perhaps they simply don't know how. I'm sure they care about you. We care about you. Keep reaching out. I'm here quite a bit. PM me and I will get back to you as soon as I can. If I can help in any way please please let me. I would consider it a great honor. :console:
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.