Hello. This may not be that suitable for the type of forum this is, but I used to visit here a lot when I was in trouble and can't think of anywhere else to ask so... This is really embarrassing but I'm 18 years old, never had a job, girlfriend, ever gone abroad or been on a plane, and basically have no idea what it means to be an adult. All this stems from my social anxiety and acrophobic tendencies. I'm mostly afraid to go out the house without my dad etc.. I am getting 'help' for it, but I've realised over time this is really something I've got to figure out myself. It used to be the case that I actually didn't really mind the way I was, being inside was a comfort zone, I was pretty content. But as I got older I've realised how much I'd probably benefit from living on my own and getting a life of my own. Whenever my family are out it just feels like such a relief. I love them more than anyone but... I just felt a sense of freedom. I used to have anorexia and some of the remnants are still remaining. But when they went out it just seemed to fizzle up. I don't really know why but that was the first time I'd ever even thought about how living on my own might be a good thing (I'm normally a homesick mummy's boy ). Anyway, I'm a depressive and used to fantasize about suicide all the time. For months there wouldn't be a day where I didn't think about it. But I could never bring myself to actually do it because my parents would be distraught. So one day I decided 'I only live once. It's either suicide or I learn that language I always wanted to learn.' And seeing how I'm going to die eventually anyway, I thought I'd try and get the language under my belt beforehand. And about 2 years on this language learning has given me such happiness. It's Japanese BTW. The main influence there was that I'm a massive fan of JP games and animation, so the benefits are there. But now I've realised the people in Japan are really quite similar to me. Friends have never been that important to me, but perhaps that's because I've practically never met anyone whose truly like me. I used to have friends but I couldn't really interact with them as much as I probably should (due to social anxieties). So anyway, this desire to meet people like me is pretty new to me. Both this sudden in interest in Japan and moving out (initially quite unrelated) has made me think 'screw it, I have no life ambitions already, I may as well make to be to move to Japan'. Now if you knew me that would sound ridiculous but what the hell. Depression has made me slightly more... "meh" about things. It used to be I'd stay at home forever if I could, now it just 'everywhere is practically the same, what's the point'. But that might be turning into a positive thing - letting go of my mental restrictions perhaps. So even if it seems completely impossible right now, I'm aiming to move to Japan. Even though I don't know how to book a plane. Or the local train for that matter. I have absolutely no knowledge of things like that. Forms, bills, insurance, absolutely no idea and it scares the crap out of me. If I don't know about that stuff I'm guessing there's no way I'll be able to live on my own, right? The internet has helped me countless times before so I keeping fingers crossed this time. What do you think I should do next? Thanks for reading!