Time to grow up?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Leaf, Sep 18, 2008.

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  1. Leaf

    Leaf New Member

    Hello. This may not be that suitable for the type of forum this is, but I used to visit here a lot when I was in trouble and can't think of anywhere else to ask so...

    This is really embarrassing but I'm 18 years old, never had a job, girlfriend, ever gone abroad or been on a plane, and basically have no idea what it means to be an adult.

    All this stems from my social anxiety and acrophobic tendencies. I'm mostly afraid to go out the house without my dad etc..

    I am getting 'help' for it, but I've realised over time this is really something I've got to figure out myself. It used to be the case that I actually didn't really mind the way I was, being inside was a comfort zone, I was pretty content. But as I got older I've realised how much I'd probably benefit from living on my own and getting a life of my own. Whenever my family are out it just feels like such a relief. I love them more than anyone but... I just felt a sense of freedom. I used to have anorexia and some of the remnants are still remaining. But when they went out it just seemed to fizzle up. I don't really know why but that was the first time I'd ever even thought about how living on my own might be a good thing (I'm normally a homesick mummy's boy :rolleyes:).

    Anyway, I'm a depressive and used to fantasize about suicide all the time. For months there wouldn't be a day where I didn't think about it. But I could never bring myself to actually do it because my parents would be distraught. So one day I decided 'I only live once. It's either suicide or I learn that language I always wanted to learn.' And seeing how I'm going to die eventually anyway, I thought I'd try and get the language under my belt beforehand.

    And about 2 years on this language learning has given me such happiness. It's Japanese BTW. The main influence there was that I'm a massive fan of JP games and animation, so the benefits are there. But now I've realised the people in Japan are really quite similar to me. Friends have never been that important to me, but perhaps that's because I've practically never met anyone whose truly like me. I used to have friends but I couldn't really interact with them as much as I probably should (due to social anxieties). So anyway, this desire to meet people like me is pretty new to me.

    Both this sudden in interest in Japan and moving out (initially quite unrelated) has made me think 'screw it, I have no life ambitions already, I may as well make to be to move to Japan'.

    Now if you knew me that would sound ridiculous but what the hell. Depression has made me slightly more... "meh" about things. It used to be I'd stay at home forever if I could, now it just 'everywhere is practically the same, what's the point'. But that might be turning into a positive thing - letting go of my mental restrictions perhaps.

    So even if it seems completely impossible right now, I'm aiming to move to Japan. Even though I don't know how to book a plane. Or the local train for that matter. I have absolutely no knowledge of things like that. Forms, bills, insurance, absolutely no idea and it scares the crap out of me. If I don't know about that stuff I'm guessing there's no way I'll be able to live on my own, right?

    The internet has helped me countless times before so I keeping fingers crossed this time. What do you think I should do next?

    Thanks for reading!
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Leaf, and welcome...if you can, follow your dreams...why not try to teach English in Japan for a short stay and then you will know if moving there is of interest to you...good to have a plan and hope this enjoyment continues, J
  3. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Hey, I think you should go for it. The stuff you said you haven't done yet you can only do by er doing it (if that makes sense) and the first time doing them is hard for everyone. Try and have faith in yourself and just try your best.
    I know it may seem that everyone has achieved certain 'landmarks' in their life or whatever by a certain age, having a girlfriend, a job etc. but there's lot's of people who do things a bit later. Everyone has different life experiences and opportunities handed to them, and also everyone develops at their own pace.
    But sometimes you just have to go for it, staying in your comfort zone is attractive in a lot of ways but it'll just make you unhappier in the end. By moving away you'll learn a lot of skills and become a stronger person in a lot of ways.
    But if you think that you're not quite ready yet, how about working for a bit in your own country at first, just to get the feel for it.
  4. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    Go ASAP and never look back.
  5. Leaf

    Leaf New Member

    Thanks for your advice and encouragement everyone.

    That would be great but, despite my ambitious dream, I'm completely inept at doing independent things like that. I lack the confidence, knowledge etc., to make a trip to Japan. Do you know any methods I can use to tackle this?

    Thanks for the reassurance.

    That definitely sounds like the wisest thing to do, but the problem there is I have no motivation to get a job. Not unless it's to do with Japan (aka my reason for being). Just can't get this lethargic body to get up and make a difference unless it's about something close to my heart.

    For instance, when I was younger I used to get extremely nervous about school for no reason. I'd stay up all night worrying about the next day, crying, being sick, I really hated leaving the house. But if going out had to do with buying a video game all that just seemed to evaporate. It's like I get transcended into a different person.

    Truth is, the way that I am, I can't see me ever working - getting up at a certain times, making phone calls, speaking confidently to bosses and colleagues ect.. And I certainly can't see me ever setting foot in Japan, let alone moving there. But the thing is, I'm trying to change that. Even if I can't see it, I'm gonna walk forward blindly. Got nothing else to live for right now.

    Yeah! That's the dream.

    Is there any practical things I can do to make my confidence grow? For example, is there something I can study to find out all there is to know about living on your own, getting a job etc.?
  6. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    there is a book called "feel the fear...and do it anyway" by sussan jeffers which talks about how you can look at things in a different way to see that confidence can be built.

    i have seen recently at the library there are job searching books on how to go about it and the techniques that will help you feel more at ease with the process of job hunting.

    good luck and i hope you have a go and see where it may lead you.
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