Time To Leave This Misery Behind ***Triggering***

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by alimar, Feb 23, 2009.

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  1. alimar

    alimar Well-Known Member

    Things have been pretty shit for months. My mum has been in hospital for four month and is wasting away before my eyes, she’s lost three stone in less than 6 weeks and can’t walk. She would be better off dead than suffering like she is.

    I’ve been suicidal so many times in the past. I took an accidental overdose on Saturday night / Sunday morning made the mistake of telling someone at the crisis team who made me go to A&E to get checked out. That is the first and only time I have actually attended hospital after an overdose or whilst feeling suicidal.

    I have begged for help today with the Duty Office about getting some additional support from a CPN as I am not coping. She was full of sympathy for me and understanding about my mum but couldn’t do anything else. The PDOC at my last appointment almost two weeks ago wouldn’t change my medication and so I discharged myself. I am not coming off Sertraline am down to 100mg from 200mg.

    I was last feeling suicidal in December, my GP sent me to the outpatient crisis team at the hospital the same day... it was a waste of time. For most of December I thought of nothing but dying... however the mood and depressive feelings passed and I was okay for a short while.

    Here we are again going through the same emotions, another month another endless stream of suicidal thoughts. Only this time it’s different. For the first time ever my Dad is aware of my issues in more detail, he took me to the hospital on Sunday and was concerned about the pills I’d taken. We don’t have a close relationship but the strain on my mother being ill has kind of brought us closer.

    This time it’s different. I have planned it, I’ve started to write the letters and it’s time to finally end this crap I am in... no matter how many times I attempt to get help, it backfires... it’s like a game of call my bluff with GP’s Crisis... and I am ready to prove them all wrong and shout from the rooftops “I asked for help, you did fuck all...” The pills are stockpiled, the vodka can be bought. I am alone, with just the dog for company and so no one would be none the wiser if I take an overdose... I’d be long gone by the time anyone bothered...
     
  2. Link

    Link New Member

    Hmm. Seems like you have it pretty tough.

    Stop and think for a minute - your mother is ill, she would love to be better. Yet you still wish to waste your own life? Life is full of opportunities and it's never to late to scrap the thoughts and wake up and try starting again.

    After all, your gonna leave your dog...?:/
    In one of your previous posts on this forum you have said

    He loves you too, infact I hardly know you but I do care for you, and I hope you are okay. I'm sure many more people on this forum do too. And not just this forum, your friends do too.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 23, 2009
  3. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    aw...i care for you too hun..... please dont' go! we all need to stick together - and get through all of this together. ...

    i care about you hun :hug:
     
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