time to say good bye

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pollo, Feb 25, 2012.

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  1. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    hello, this is me again. I am done, I have organized everything. I have made my mind and I feel OK I feel so calm now.
    Of course I am a bit scare but I know I will be in a better life.
    I know people will carry on with their lives when I am not here.
    It is good I have no family of my own, my parents are both dead and I just have a brother.
    I am sad. But I know now I donĀ“t have to worry about anything. In 2 weeks I will not be here.
    Thanks to everyone on this forum for hearing me.
  2. SmileSarah

    SmileSarah Member

    It sounds like you have given this a lot of thought and consideration. I keep finding myself looking for reasons not to die. sometimes I think if only I could disapear... Maybe death is not the answer. Maybe there is a way to just end this life and start a new one. liquidate all your assests and just leave. to another town, to another country? idk. do something completely different with your life. something that is all consuming so that there isn't time to dwell on the past. i honestly don't know which would be eaiser or more scarey: ending my life physically, or ending it in every other way. maybe it is running away? idk... it is drastic and over the top for sure, but no more so than ending your life. heck, I have even considered if I did run off to start again there are few people I would even consider telling... maybe the others would assume i had finally given in and killed myself... and that doesn't really bother me.

    I am overwhelmed by my past, my present and my future. If I could I would forget it all-- forget who I am and become just another invisible face in a far away place. maybe join some sort of peace corp or something like that-- something that I could just throw myself into and forget about any and everything else. to be surrounded by people who need me and working till I'm too tired to even stand none the less think would actually be a vacation from this life. this life now where everything has to be planned and there is a need to take in to account everyone elses feelings. to provide day after day, but feel like I'm really doing so little. there are too many hours in the day where there is nothing for me to do then be here, cause I have to be, because no one else will do it. It just sucks because even though I know people need me and love me... there is just so much... baggage? can't get rid of the baggage, ya know. I want to say okay I'm cuting this perosn out of my life because they always end up hurting me, but I just can't. at some point there will be a phone call or an email... but if I could escape and had to give it all up maybe I could be okay....

    ... and maybe you could too.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Pollo...have not seen you in a while...please tell us what is going on? You have been missed
  4. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    I am still around. Not doing Ok but surviving!
  5. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Member

    I have just joined - and I hope that you are alive! You have lost your parents and only have your brother - so if you go he will have no one? he needless you and you need him. I guess that we all need each other and although I have only just joined in the past thirty minutes I feel a sense of loss if you are not there! x
  6. forget your brother-this is about you and only you-im glad you are still here-surviving is ok for now-stay strong.
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