maybe all this time i've been making excuses and looking for reasons (creating reasons, in fact) for why it is ok for me to give up and die. maybe it's time to just acknowledge that i am tired and i don't care anymore, and it's just easier for me to end this now. maybe it's time to admit that i am selfish and self-centered and i don't care whether anyone might be hurt by my decision. it's all just part of the wonderfulness that is me . . . it's all just part of the reason that this is the right thing for me to finally do.