Time to take that step

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ozinuk, Mar 9, 2010.

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  1. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    I've been stuck in this hotel room for too long now afraid that if I go out they'll bundle me up and put me in hospital to make sure I'm safe. I've been sitting here finalising plans, paper work and any loose ends that need tidying up because everything needs to be just right.

    I'm gonna try and have a sleep this afternoon try to prepare mentally because in the past I was too anxious too nervous and that caused mistakes. I'm sorry for burdening you all with my problems god knows you all have your own to deal with and the last thing you need is me adding to them, I wish things could have been different. I'm off for a walk then a sleep.:lone:
  2. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It's not time to take that step please stop and reconsider there are people out there that care about you. Keep posting we are here for you.
  3. Archon

    Archon Well-Known Member

    You have been no burden to anyone on this forum, people are here to listen to troubles.

    Please stay, i can imagine how you're feeling, things can be different, you just need to know that. If you arry this out just remeber that there is another way.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    You've never been a burden to me or anyone else. I hope you come back.
  5. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    I see the pain that people go through on SF and I feel I unfairly add to that pain another pain you could all do without. :blub:
  6. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    As I type I have the dr's knocking at my door I have been betrayed again why why why.......:nerves:
  7. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    What you add to this site is that we have got a decent and respectful person here, albeit someone who is hurting deeply.

    You do not add another pain, and its certainly not one we could do without. I'd personally far rather you be here. Yes, you bring your own pain, but all of us do. If we all decided we unfairly added to the amount of pain here and left, then there would be no forum.

    I, like WildCherry, hope you come back, and also wish to tell you, you have never been a burden. Not once. It's you that tells yourself that, not us. Try to believe us because we can see you for who you are, not what your mental health problems make you feel you are.
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Because people care. They care more than you could ever realise.
  9. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I too hope you come back after your walk and sleep.

    I don't know your story but as a fellow traveler who struggles with life's pain so hard I feel for you.
    I do hope you decide to fight and give life a real chance, I did and am happy now.

    If you have the time to talk I would like to hear how you came to the point that you feel you need to end your pain by ending your life as I care. Maybe I/we could help you make sense of it and maybe help you find a way out of the darkness? You got nothing to lose right?

    Hugs Bambi
  10. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    According to ozinuk, the doctor was knocking at the door of the hotel room. (Take a look at the last post) I hope he gets the help he deserves.
  11. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    I have just had a talk with the dr and nurse and they have agreed to allow me back home and have a psychiatric nurse come on a regular basis to be a sounding board. They have agreed that this will start tomorrow without any interference from my wife. They said the other day they acted on information provided by my wife earlier and since then they have found it to be incorrect.

    I've had enough of this running, I want them to let me be my welfare is my concern I am a danger to myself no one else I can't see the problem :blub: I'm completely broken :blub:
  12. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Do you think having a nurse come may help?

    As for that last sentence, I can relate to that so, so deeply. I don't have anything of use to say, but I really do relate to that. I'm so sorry you feel that way. All I can say is, when I thought I was broken, I believed it, and looking back, I was. But somehow I have managed to start repiecing bits. I'm not fixed, I'm mentally ill, and I will be forever, but things have changed. I've made them change. I've done it without professional help because the professionals won't help me. I didn't want it. I wanted it over. I would have died. Hell, even now I'm walking a dodgy path with death (physically I'm not well too), but somewhere, in the midst of being broken into many pieces, I found a reason. Because of that reason, I fought. It's why I suggested finding a way to honour the person you were forced to kill. It can help. It can work. It can make a huge difference, not necessarily to you, but to others, which, in turn, can make a difference to you.
  13. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Ok, so for someone with no words, that was a lot of words. Once I started thinking and then typing, I couldn't stop.
  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    for us it is a relief that they have come to help you....
    i had the psych nurses visit me at home quite a few years ago....it was either that or I would've hurt myself.....
    they were a great help just knowing they were coming to talk to me.....that they understand we are feeling so bad is some comfort....
    I hope you will let them try and help you find a way out of your "prison".....
    nothing to lose ...hopefully a lot to gain....
    let us know how you're going...
  15. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    I'm back home, with my dog, familiar surroundings, own bed, everything I need and I feel totally desperate. The nurse is about as useful as a chocolate coffee cup she said she gets paid to sit and listen whether I talk or not ..........god I don't need this not now, I am truly at the end of my tether. :blub: :blub: I seriously need some sort of closure. :sad:
  16. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    I can relate to your post hon..

    That feeling is so familiar to me..And I know that it means little to know there are others out there, but there are...

    My inbox is always open as is my MSN should you want to talk..
  17. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Wow, the comment she made, about getting paid ... that's seriously out of line!! Sometimes I wonder how professionals managed to get where they are now.

    :hug: We're listening.
  18. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    Tonight I'm gonna try again, I'm done with all this crap that comes knocking at my door, it's been too long now bringing other people down with my misery I feel like typhoid Mary infecting all who have any contact with me. Screw it I've had it. :blub: :blub: :blub:
  19. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Please keep talking. You're not bringing anyone down; we're replying because we care.

    Always here if you need anything; you're not bringing me down, and you can contact me anytime.
  20. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    My God I'm in pain I feel like I've been filled up with ice water my eyes are stinging from the tears, a feeling of dread has come over me I feel like I'm drowning in my own depression with nothing to hold on too. I should let go and let it take me under. :blub: :blub:
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