time to

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by *dilligaf*, May 19, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    ive been putting this off and putting this off, trying not to upset someone. but its come down to, me posting or me going to find pills, so i had no choice. sorry.

    the last week has been the worst ever. tonight i am closer than ever before. i have realised that im not good enough, not good enough for anyone. no one listens, no one cares. yea, they all pretend to...no one does. and i dont blame them.

    have quite possibly lost two good relationships with people i care about more than anything tonight, and, as usual, its my fault. i seem to be getting good at pushing people away.

    my friends are only friends when they want something. mainly rl friends but theres a few on here i nly ever hear from when they are feeling down and need some kind words, or when they are after something. why not eh, im sam...isnt it what im here for.

    the last couple of days in chat i have tried...despite feeling shit myself..to help others and have basically been ignored. i wont bother next time.

    my mum goes back to work on monday which means ill be left to care for my nan almost alone monday-friday from now on. it scares me. scares the shit out of me. my mum practically told me today i was not good enough to do it. and the worst thing is, she is probably right. nan doesnt even WANT me looking after her, would much rather her darling daughter. so why am i bothering?

    i started some paracetamol earlier, but remembered they wont do anything so i stopped. im so close to going and hunting out something different. my nan has a terminal illness, theres PLENTLY of pills around here. would even be her that found me if i do it tonight. sounds like the perfect opportunity.

    i cant cope. i cant keep doing this. im going from one mini overdose to the next. from one crying session to the next, from one bad day to the next.

    i think its time to stop it, time to put an end to the pain, the hurt, the anger the tears,
  2. kirstyclive

    kirstyclive Guest

    please hold on sweetie... if your nan is terminally ill, dont you think she might need you? finding you dead or half dead wont do her or you anygood...... please please reconsider

    i am always here if you wanna chat


  3. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    thanks but wont be her that finds me
  4. kirstyclive

    kirstyclive Guest

    still, you really should reconsider... these "so called friends" arent worth it... its better to have one true friend than a million bad ones.... i know, growing up i had only one friend and he was and still is the best mate i could ever ask for...

    please hang on and keep trying hunny, dont give up.

  5. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    i dont know how much longer i can keep holding on
  6. kirstyclive

    kirstyclive Guest

  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    thank u very much. i dont think ill be around for a few days, ill add u to msn and my phone :hug:
  8. kirstyclive

    kirstyclive Guest

    ok... just make sure you stay safe ok
  9. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    don't do this please :cry: everything i've said to you i meant. Let me prove it? Please

  10. kirstyclive

    kirstyclive Guest

    im with you 150,000% on this one vikki
  11. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Okies, ima do a proper reply to this.

    I know your finding this hard darling but your still fighting and i'm so proud of you for it. You need to keep fighting, i know you can do it. I know you can be happy. Theres so much more to life and i know its hard to see but it is there and i wanna show you that it is possible to be happy but you need to allow me to do that and that means you can't give up.

    You shouldn't have to feel like you can't post because it might upset me. The reason i do get upset sometimes is because i care, i care so damn much and you know that. Well at least i hope you know that. If i get upset its not at you, its upset at myself because i feel like no matter what i do i can never take that pain away from you or make you happy. If i could take it all away i would with out giving it a second thought and it hurts me so much to see someone i care about so much going through this and me not being able to help in anyway.

    All i can do is offer you someone to talk to about ANYTHING and you know you can talk to me about anything darling, no matter.I wish there was MORE i could offer you, i really do. I wanna be there for you because i do care about you a LOT. You think that people are pretending that they care. You know thats not true. You know how much i care and hand on my heart EVERYTHING I've ever said to you is 100% true and i stand by what was said.

    If there was ANYTHING i could do make you happy then i would defiantly do it. Even if you wanted a hug, I'd walk to Northampton to give you one if it meant you being happy for a while. I don't wanna lose you and it would kill me if any harm would come to you. The thought of losing you makes me feel sick inside, i care THAT much.

    I know i don't always show it but i am so glad that me and you have got as close as we have done. Especially the last few months and to be perfectly honest you've made me very happy by just being you. I know you think you have nothing to offer or make anyone happy but I've just proved your theory wrong because you HAVE made me happy, more than you could ever realise.

    I know we've had our differences and i think because we're so close we tend to take out moods out on each other and I'm quite happy to take any moods you throw at me. As long as it keeps you safe. I think you taking a break from me to sort you would be pretty good for you but i need you to talk to me if your feeling down or like doing anything. Theres no way in hell I'm letting you give up, i care to much to let someone i love slip like this. I can't watch you fall back down to being that low especially with the situation with your nan and i know its gonna be hard to stop or at least make things seem better but surely its worth a try? let me help darling. In anyway i can, you just gotta let me know and I'll do it.

    Think about the people that love you and the people you love. Think about the people the people your'll never get to talk to again. We all love you and care about you so much. You've helped me so damn much, so much that you don't even realise. You help other people here. Let us help you. Lean on us when your in need of support. I'm willing to help because i love you. Giving up is not an option and you know exactly why. There are other options there, you just gotta see what they are.

    You know how to get hold of me when your ready and sorted your head out. Am here if you wanna talk ANYTIME and about ANYTHING.

    Love you <3

    :hug: :cheekkiss
  12. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I really hope you're safe Sam :sad:

    :hug: :hug: :hug: Ur a great girl and I care for you loads... Email me if you need me, or text or pm or msn or whatever. If you wanna talk I'm here :hug:
  13. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    hey i agree with every thing else its just that this bit i really do.
    about freinds yeah that happens u know yeah when they really want sumthing they'll do anything for it .. but other wise thay wont talk to u.
  14. me1

    me1 Well-Known Member

    Hope you are safe sam *hug Sorry for not wanting 'help' but i just want to be left alone when i feel bad.
  15. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :hug: to everyone.

    vikki...ill be back in a day or so. sorry :cheekkiss:
    grant...feels like its only ever ME you want to leave you alone though. its true hun, there are other people ull let help you
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.