so theres only a few days left until its a year. one year. a whole year. 12 months. 12 long months. since she left. died. she didn't leave, she died. and not by choice. she fought hard... very, very hard. and then in two and a half days she went from being coherent and alive to dead. took her last labored breaths. was hard to witness and not to be able to do anything. to listen to the oxygen machine still working but for no reason and i can hear it still..... to go from having this person, my true soulmate, by my side and in my life to losing her. no one that cares without ulterior motives. no one who seems to remember. no one that acknowledges her and realize that would be helpful. no one really in my life anymore, ultimately. but im saying more than i should. the long and short of it is that the "year" is nearly over. so now what? im without direction. without support. without caring. without joy. without reason. so, again, now what? whats the point in trying? what or who am i trying for? and what am i trying for? whats my purpose? reason for living? reason for being here? reason for anything? i can play along and say all is fine. whats the point saying anything else, i.e. the truth? no point. its a polite question with a polite answer. the truth? wish i could just do "it"... the reason? i have no reason for any other choice.