Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by SaidDave, Sep 4, 2010.

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  1. SaidDave

    SaidDave Banned Member

    the minutes tic away slowly every day
    and the clock is just laughing in my face
    wondering when the sand finally runs out
    or will I make the hourglass break

    I can't eat
    I can't sleep

    you search desperately for the product to buy
    hoping that people won't see between the lines
    your mind slowly starts to fall apart
    where was this and what was i doing

    You can't eat
    You can sleep

    forcing your way in to a comforting lie
    something must be waiting for me when i die
    but i don't even know myself of or if what's to come
    some say 'why wait and let the battle be done'

    It's hard to eat
    It's hard to sleep

    every step on the planet is a second that's gone by
    was it worth it or was i just wasting my time
    when it's over will the spotlight have gone by
    or will it just be a broken light in the night sky

    Eat, shit, piss, and sleep (if you can)
    Eat, shit, piss, and sleep (if you can)
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i can relate so much life more like hell
  3. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    That poem is phenomenal. Phenomenal. I'm no expert on poetry, but I can see that you have the rhythm, flow, mysticism and clarity of subject matter down pat. Perfect spacing too.

    As well as that, I liked reading it, despite it being a sad poem. What you are going through sucks, but you have amazing talent. If you need to talk, you can send me a PM any time.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    great poem ....I understand what you are saying about life.
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Damn that's good!
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