Times almost up...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by White Dove, Jul 7, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Well my time is almost up now.... Less then 24 hours to go....

    Why could they not care for me? Why did they not call or come by? Guess they really dont care what happens to me so why do i even bother being here anymore...

    My life has no meaning to me at all right now... My life will be nothing but a memory and a wasted memory at that...

    Why was i ever so stupid to trust and believe in someone , heck to even believe that i could ever really and truly be loved... But i cant.. i am nothing... i never was nothing.. i never was wanted...

    I tried.. i honestly and truly tried to make my life good... but i even failed at that... I tried to do good here but have failed... i am seen as someone who is walling in myself... maybe that is the truth.. maybe just like gentlelady said.. there is truth to that.. so if all i am seen is like that then what good does it do me to be alive....

    i have enough now and come tomorrow.. i will go to church as always in the morning and evening services.. then go to a special place and do what has to be done.....

    This is the only solution that i can come up with.. it is the only way to ease this pain.. it is the only way to make others happy.. while i am still alive they suffer because of me...

    i am not going to put any more burdens upon them anymore.. i will not put anymore hurt upon them or their lives... if i had passed my last attempt then i would not have been here, my niece could not have used my computer, therefore no one would have been hurt.. everything that has happened is because of me and i cant change that...

    Others say that to do it i would go to hell... but they dont know and just judge that is where i would go... On my last attempt i did not go to hell not even close.. it was peacefull and a great sence of love was all around me.. AND I WANT THAT BACK... i want that feeling of love and acceptance that i dont get on this earth...

    i will fly away.. just like the song on the wings of a snow white dove as sung below at the following link. i will fly away....

  2. Michael Lee

    Michael Lee Well-Known Member

    I care. Read my posts I kind of know what it is like to be desparate. My hope and prayer is that with the new day you will experience the light of Christ. He has the power to carry us through. Once again please don't hurt yourself. Any gal who likes fishing, camping and hiking has to be pretty terrific. I will pray for you in church.
    Grace and peace,
    Michael Lee
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    what you dont know is i am dying anyhow... i have stupid cancer.. stupid Hepatocellular Carcinoma and theres nothing i can do or a doctor can do.. if i dont do this then i face days upon days of hard physical pain....

    Thanks for the prayers...
  4. kyo

    kyo Member

    Don't do it. There's someone that needs you. Someone in this world... That is what makes me to feel alive still. Even though I'm not sure if I'm needed by something or someone in this world... I'm sure someone does. I have no clue at all who... but there is someone. There is.

    The same goes for you. Someone cares about you. Someone needs you to live... And considering you have cancer you shouldn't end your life this way...
    so please... live... live until the day you have no choice but to die.
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    but you dont understand... i am really hurting right now...

    i was even told here on this support forum that i am walling in my own self pity.. well maybe i am and i cant stop it.... that hurt me.. that hurt me a lot.. it alweays does.. it has always been a trigger to me to hear that ( walling in my own self pity )

    I am beginning to think that some from CF AND CC may have come here and pmed others telling stuff on me. it always happens.. maybe they have spyware on my puter and found out i came here. I only told one person but i can almost bet that person told others , etc..

    i am just so sick of life.. i got to get this pain to stop.. this stupid emotional pain is coming out on top now and i cant think straight.. i just cant do nothing right anymore... i cant stop crying.. seems everything anyone says it hurts me.. i just cant do nothing without setting myself up for more hurt..

    everyone is against me.. everyone hates me... they dont care , they just dont care.... and the ones that seem to care a little are here but that is not at my home, in my state , no one close by me gives a sh...t about me.. so i am still alone....
  6. Know One

    Know One Member

    No. We are here. We don't want you to do it. People here know how you feel. We've gone through similar events, and we understand how you feel. It doesn't matter what you do, you'll always be loved by someone, and even if that only someone is me. I don't know everything that goes on in your life, or exactly how you feel like this second, but I know in my heart that what you're doing/planning on doing is not what we want, or what you want. People understand you if you talk to them. Please keep talking to us.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 7, 2007
  7. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    You want to know what it is i got?

    there is no cure... chemo , radiation can only prolong it and help ease my pain..

    do you know what it is like to have to face this? to face the fact that my life is screwed? I will never have a good christian husband , a family , a child , to be able to visit out west , to see the wonders of this world ,... My fate is now death... any way i look at it and my fate would be more pain... a lot more pain...

  8. Know One

    Know One Member

    I cannot imagine what it is like for you. The closest I can relate is that my entire family has died from cancer (or suicide). But is it not true that if you keep fighting the cancer can become benign and you can live up to your dreams? Keep fighting, there is still a chance. Why waste it?
  9. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I really do not want to die but what choice do i have?

    i seen my mom go through so much pain.. i held her hand when she threw up day after day.. i seen the pain she suffered ( she had stomach cancer ) and that is whats driving me at the moment.. the fear... THE STUPID FEAR i dont want to go through that at all. And i think a law should be made that when one has lost all hope then it should be legal to stop their pain...

    we stop the pain of animals do we not? they are no more better then us , they breath air like we do , they sleep , eat like we do , if you cut them do they not bleed? if you hurt them do they not cry?

    Barbaroes - they killed that horse to put him out of his pain... was that or was that not right to do so...?

    There is no hope for me.. it spead , it spread way too fast before it was found.... even if i did take chemo i would have less then 6 months so what difference does it make.. my life is screwed and i dont want to hurt anyone here.. i really dont want to hurt anyone.

    i just want this stupid pain to go away..

    i just want this cancer to just dissappear , i dont want to have to suffer more.. i have had enough hardships and pain and i just dont understand why i get more and more on me all the time.. when will it ever end???

    can you understand??
  10. Know One

    Know One Member

    I can understand. My grandfather chose to take the route you are speaking of. It hurts more people then you imagine. Even myself. Just speaking to you in these few posts, it would effect me even, knowing that I could not help you stop yourself. At least live and see if you do have hope and take the time to do things you always have wanted.
  11. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    thanks for the reply and please do not blame yourself for what i decided to do... this is my life and my pain and i am dealing with it the best way i know how to... i think tonight may be better on me so i am leaving in a few to go get drunk as i can and do what needs to be done... I just cant handel this stupid emotional pain and physical pain... it is just too much...
  12. ybt

    ybt Guest

    i know this post will get edited for 'encouraging suicide', but i don't care. i'm all for life, but if they edit this it really shows how stuck up they are. anyway. if you're already dying and there's no hope and it's really that bad, i'd personally think the logical choice is to do it. i'm so glad you took the time to show concern, though. i'd say if you're going to do it, wrap up any last ties you have... :hug:
  13. Ampacity

    Ampacity Active Member

    I can understand, but when you leave here you will be missed. some one will be hurt. I really wish you would reconsider, life is good. we care about you here I hope that you make the right choice.
  14. livingdeath

    livingdeath Active Member

    Telling someone who is in excruciating agony that "life is good" seems absurd.
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