times like these i just want to die

[darkrider]

i;ve just about reached the point where im strongly considering suicide. i just feel like an empty emotionless void. well i do have one emotion which comes and goes and thats anger.

my whole life is just fucked up

i finished college at 18 as normal tho i started becoming very depressed through that time and i started uni. Stayed there for a year and it was an absolute disaster- hated my course and made no new friends. now im on a gap year trying to decide what to do with my life but i just spend most of the time in my room. i just dont fucking know what to do and it seems like no careers are even appealing

i need a job amongst other things for money and for just being around people but im sure i have agraphobia and i find it very difficult making the first steps and doing things. i have no confidence. plus im just depressed and bitter with people in general. anything and everything seems to make me angry these days even though i am a kind and friendly person. its like i have 2 different personas

i only have a couple of friends left who i hardly ever see, i talk to one online often though he has the same problems as me so its like i get no release. so as well as having little money im lacking in friends as well which brings me down. no surprises i dont have a gf either though thats because i never go out! ive always had girls being attracted to me but my confidence is shot and when i feel like an absolute looser myself how can i devote myself to someone else. i dont feel like i have much to give either

another thing that pisses me off is people especially my family undermining (sp) me. i was doing running recently as training for some race and ive really damaged my legs since a few days ago. my dad asked me to go out with him somewhere to get something but i said i couldnt because of the pain so hes like ok.. but my sister says im using it as an escuse (excuse for what? not leaving the house?..). thats just an example of what angers. she is always undermining me. Im sure they all view me as lazy (even tho ive told my mum and dad about my confidence), when the truth is im just a wreck. i cant explain all these emotions to them because theywilll never understand in a million years. i want to try and book a councellor like my friend has though i even get nervous about sorting that out

im just rambling but i wanted to let some of this out somewhere

im 19 btw

 

[Advent]

Its ok, i have family like that as well, they just DO NOT understand, they too think i'm odd and dont care - the conclusion i draw from that is that I FEEL SORRY for them if they cant understand. You dont say if you have seen a doc yet, i would suggest you do, start by seeing your GP then they shud refer you on to further help. I went thru the same thing thing about 5 years ago, although i'm still not cured as it were, i am a far better person.

Yes your self worth may seem really low at the moment but it wont always be like that, trust me i know..... Its all about coping with one day at a time, before you know it 6 months have passed .

If ya feel like a chat, come over to your IRC channel, i will be there for the next 2 hours or so.

Regards

Rich

 

[Angelo_91]

i can sorta relate to you with the bitterness, i agree u shud go see a social worker or someone to talk to it about. it probably sounds hopeless but i had thoughts it wudnt help but it did.

you deserve better than this so dont give up