I feel like I am losing my mind. One day I am so certain that I have to die and I get everything ready, but the next day I feel like I can deal with this... only to have it all fall out from under me again. It's like a horrible roller coaster of depression and guilt. I can't talk to my friends, they wouldn't understand and its not fair to drag them into this if i am going to do it anyway. I tried chatting with someone here and it was nice to have someone who understood but then I felt like I was just increasing my collateral damage when I inevitably die. It's not right to create relationships this close to the end....but some days it doesn't feel like the end. Nothing feels like the right thing to do anymore. I've looked for pro-suicide sites to see if I can tip myself over the edge....no luck yet obviously....so I come here hoping to get further from the edge. Same result. I just wish I could level out....either way. I just want this to end.