Tipping point

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Elicit, Apr 1, 2014.

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  1. Elicit

    Elicit New Member

    I feel like I am losing my mind.
    One day I am so certain that I have to die and I get everything ready, but the next day I feel like I can deal with this... only to have it all fall out from under me again. It's like a horrible roller coaster of depression and guilt.
    I can't talk to my friends, they wouldn't understand and its not fair to drag them into this if i am going to do it anyway. I tried chatting with someone here and it was nice to have someone who understood but then I felt like I was just increasing my collateral damage when I inevitably die. It's not right to create relationships this close to the end....but some days it doesn't feel like the end. Nothing feels like the right thing to do anymore. I've looked for pro-suicide sites to see if I can tip myself over the edge....no luck yet obviously....so I come here hoping to get further from the edge. Same result. I just wish I could level out....either way. I just want this to end.
     
  2. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. I can relate with feeling like you're losing your mind. I feel trapped and at the mercy of mind own mind. Hopefully you will be able to get through this.
     
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Elicit I am sorry you are having such a hard time. It is very typical of depression to feel so bad you want to die one day and feel like there might be some hope the next. The inconsistency of it all is one of the worst things I think. You haven't said if you are receiving any treatment for your depression? It takes some time to find the right medications sometimes, but meds can definitely help even you out and give up many more of the days when you feel like you can deal with it.

    Death is inevitable of course - but not in the way you mean. Give yourself a fighting chance - see a doctor - and if you are already seeing a doctor great... tell him/her how you feel and that you need different and extra help. And keep talking to us; we are not collateral damage we are people who understand and can give support.

    Stay safe :hug:
     
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