Tips for leaving the house?

Discussion in 'Self Care and Healthy Lifestyles' started by Petal, Jul 18, 2016.

  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I struggle with leaving the house pretty bad, sometimes I just go to the door and open it and just walk back in. I find sone days when I just do it the build up to going out is actually worse than being out. I never left the house for 5 of my teenage years and I'd like to know who else struggles to leave the house? Any tips on how I can leave the house any easier and make it more tolerable? I live on a main road so there's always people about. Some that despise me and some that like me but that's a whole other story for another day.

    P.S I usually leave the house every day even if its just for 5 mins or so,and its better if im with someone but I want to be more independent.

    Tips for leaving the house anyone?
    lolo1010 likes this.
  2. mentalhealthnurse

    mentalhealthnurse Well-Known Member

    Leaving the house is the most difficult part and I always think that doing it first thing in the morning, as in get up, get dressed and go, is the best time as you have less time to think and it's more natural to leave the house in the morning. I know mornings are usually the worst for people so it's the best time to tackle it. I get out the house okay, it's supermarkets that kill me. Don't know how many times I have abandoned a full trolley. Challenging yourself when you feel your worst is the hardest but the best feeling when you power through.
    Petal likes this.
  3. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I have this problem on and off for 8 1/2 yrs now. The last 3 have been terrible. Due to anxiety and panic attacks, I became a recluse who seldom left the house. Suicide got me out, but thats just too extreme.

    I still dont go out voluntarily very much. I have to have a reason. I am fortunate, I have 3 group therapy sessions I go to every week. I force myself to get on a bus, by myself and go. I have missed one session in 2 months and I am proud of that. But without that reason to go out, I would still be sitting here in my chair 24/7.

    Its not easy. I still get very anxious. I still have panic attacks, I still try to talk myself out of going anywhere. I really have to push myself hard some days. But I am with MHN above. 2 out 3 groups are in the mornings. From the minute I get out of bed, everything revolves around getting myself to that group for 10.30am. The bus leaves at 9.45am and if I am not on it, I am late. I have not been late as yet.

    Sadly, the groups are slowly coming to a end and therefore I am starting to lose reasons to leave the house again. I have to do something about that and quickly. If I dont, the cycle of the last 3 years will just start again and this time, I dont think I will survive it.

    So for me, its all about giving myself a reason to get out. Shopping is not enough, I can do it online. A coffee I can make at home. I can have a beer at home, watch a movie etc etc, so I need something, somewhere that I cant do at home. I am forcing myself to do this alone most of the time as like you, I want my independence back.
    mentalhealthnurse and Petal like this.
  4. suzi

    suzi Well-Known Member

    I have trouble going out, but i'm not sure it's anxiety. It kinda feels like I have to push against a giant rubberband holding me in my apartment, the rubberband always pulling me back. Is that anxiety? The Mental Health Center says so. I went to group therapy today, but I didn't leave my apartment the 3 previous days. I can walk to most places I need to go because I live downtown. I even live across the street from the bus station. But having a job where I have to leave my apartment everyday has thus far proven to be beyond my reach. Even a desire for food/groceries doesn't get me out. I just eat something I don't really want until I get down to a bare cabinet.
    Petal likes this.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Bumping for more ideas, experiences and suggestions :D
  6. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    Get a dog. You have to walk a dog outside the home every day. I dunno if you can have a dog or not. You can get a teacup dog that you don't have to go far but you have to go for the animal's sake. Part of having someone depend on you. I don't have a dog...I have two cats. When I am out of work I drive seniors to their doctor appointments and I have to go because I said I would. If I didn't volunteer I would just sit inside and not go out. I used to be friends with the neighbors and hang out with them but since I've been an empty nester I just sit inside by myself and am miserable. And I'm not sure they like me anymore. But if I had a dog I would be out and have play dates and be active and social.
    My 2 cents.
  7. bay

    bay New Member

    Wow... I honestly thought for my whole life, from a very young age, that I was wrong, strange, stupid and basically a basket case because I have always had anxiety going "outside". Those around me have always been supportive but they don't understand it either so Im just learning as I go I guess. I have never seen anyone about it because I thought it was just me. I am coping a lot better with it now but I still get sick, headaches, nervous shaking of the body, absolute fear of being "out there". I guess its anxiety, im not really sure, but it is debilitating. I am at the point where I can go to the corner store to get the milk and bread. Which is great considering I would once get to the door, look out and not even get out of it. For me, the motivation to get past my fear is that I do generally like being organised and feeling clean, and I've realised the body does require fuel at some point. But it mainly helps me from falling into negative self talk, which then sets the scene for depression. I honestly thank all of you in this forum for helping me see I am not alone after all these years. I now feel supported. Thank you.
  8. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    That is amazing bay. You are doing things the right way, one step at a time. So pleased you feel this thread has helped you and I hope you continue to find the site informative and supportive.
  9. Jenumbra

    Jenumbra SF Supporter

    Petal, what makes it difficult to leave the house? Anxiety, jerky people, etc? I've had some trouble before with social anxiety, what helped was thinking of everyone else as being also insecure and seeking love and acceptance as well which made me not scared anymore. Recently I've been going out a lot, been playing fun phone games like Ingress and Pokemon Go which use real places and requires you to walk around. If you have a smart phone, I absolutely recommend these to everyone, because of Ingress, I've discovered visited new spots and learned interesting stuff even in my hometown, gotten in better shape and met new people. If no smart phone handy, borrow tourist books from the library and check out the places in there. Here's the website of the game maker but use the app store on your phone to get the games
    Petal likes this.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi bay, you are most certainly not alone, there's an organisation which are very good called ''out and about association'' that help people recover from agoraphobia. I think you should contact them, they do help me from time to time. I e-mail them sometimes and they are very knowledgeable on the issue. You are not stupid, strange or a freak, many, many people cannot leave the house for one reason or another. Feel free to message me any time you want :)
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Both it is everything, the big bad world is out to get me is how it feels but i have already been out today and it wasn't too bad :) But yeah both, I can't stop people from being jerks so I can only control what I do and say. Anxiety has always been an issue for me, I worry about the most stupid of things, really stupid things but medications help me and SF helps me and my sister helps calm me down when needed. It's just one of those things.
  12. Jenumbra

    Jenumbra SF Supporter

    Cool, that's a good attitude to have. Did you used volunteer somewhere? Did that help you get out more and distract from the anxiety?
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    hiyas, yeah I have volunteered at a few places in the past. I liked it but was very socially awkward, well one place I felt I fitted in and loved it but unfortunately that store closed down, another place I found it extremely frustrating trying to behave normal. It did help get me out and about I guess tmi (but get the runs a lot these days from tummy issues) so right now I'm not in a position to go back. I did love it though.
    Jenumbra likes this.
  14. bay

    bay New Member

    Thank you for your reply, it really has helped :)
    SinisterKid likes this.
  15. bay

    bay New Member

    thank you:) I will get help. I have done heaps of things in life outside the home and it feels like I have pushed myself so far from my comfort zone for so long I just cant do it again yet. But it is definitely the next positive step, so thanks.
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are very welcome, could you join something that you have to go to weekly, like an exercise class or eveen bingo? That'd motivate you to get out but I know how hard it is hugs) It's so draining mentally and physically,having someone to go out with helps too I wish you all the best :)
  17. lolo1010

    lolo1010 Member

    Hi Petal,
    What seems to help me is to find reasons to go. groceries... library... i am about to start volunteering with an autistic man. so that will help me get out for HIM. also it sounds weird but it helps me visualize a confident person or character on tv or a movie and know you can do things just like they do. Sounds weird, but it helps me to visualize it. :)
    SunShine1973 likes this.
  18. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    I have alot of trouble sometimes going out by myself, even grocery shopping. I do detest shopping and dealing with people makes navigating the aisles cumbersome. It has taken me a measure of courage to get to the point I'm at where I can feel the fear and do it anyway, because I have already proved I could do it, and remember this fact whenever I have to leave the house, to remember I've already done it and I can do it anytime!
    SunShine1973 and lolo1010 like this.
  19. SunShine1973

    SunShine1973 Active Member

    Another really useful thread petal thank you and some helpful tips too thanks