I hit a real low today. I am tired of living. I have been battling depression and thoughts of suicide for 5 years or so now. My job is extremely stressful. I have been so rattled emotionally that I keep making mistakes and it is upsetting. I am concerned that my job is in serious jeopardy. Given that I work so much, I can't even find the time and energy to look for another position that isn't as demanding on my own. I have asked a friend to help me, and she didn't. I have had several failed relationships that have taken a serious toll on me emotionally. Each time I think I am OK to date again, fond someone, and it zaps me emotionally. Just ended the most recent relationship and it was severely draining emotionally. I have been dealing with health issues that have cause a lot of emotional turmoil. I am barely over 30. I had to have surgery last year for severe endometriosis. Basically, the doctors think I am infertile now. On my most recent visit, my doctor suggested that I freeze my eggs because my condition is aggressive and coming back. I have to take a really harsh medication in an attempt to reulate my condition daily. It cause memory and concentration problems, excessive hair growth, and loss of volume in my breasts. Awesome stuff right. I am drained and tired of all of this stuff in my life. I have had low periods in the past and thought of suicide. I manage to fond a way, through therapists, family or friends, to get out of it. Now, I am sick of therapists. I have seen 4. I reach out to family and friends via telephone and chat, but as of late they just don't respond to me. I get frustrated because they only reach out to me when things are REALLY bad. When I am in a lull or creeping up to a breakdown, they just don't respond. I am tired of the cycle. I feel like I have tried everything to keep from hurting myself because I know I need help and I can't do it alone. I go to church and sadly, the sermon on Sunday was about death and how everyone is going to die. I feel like it is inevitable that I will succumb to this desire. It just gets stronger with each passing year. I guess this is another attempt to get help from SOMEWHERE. ANYWHERE. Because I know I am ready to give up. Life is not enjoyable for me and I have more negative and bad feelings than good.