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Tired and lost

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Event_Horizon, Feb 17, 2016.

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  1. Event_Horizon

    Event_Horizon SF Supporter

    I am seriously tired and lost. I have got to this point where I no longer know what to do with myself. This lack of knowing is making every day tedious. Absolutely nothing in a long list of various things to try is holding my interest. Mostly I sleep or suffer this terrible boredom that nothing really satisfies. The urge to kill myself has been strong to the point I am getting vivid images intruding on my thoughts. It is like a rehearsal playing out.

    I have various professionals telling me I am ill, and even have a part time carer now, which feels odd. Everything feels like a fight, even the basics like bathing or getting food. I have not worked in ages and I am no longer doing charitable work. Nothing is consistent in my life, and the time between episodes of depression and mania is getting shorter. I am really struggling with the intensity of the moods and how deep they take me. The mania is blunted but at the price of heavy tiredness. So that just leaves me with the lows. I feel as though it is inevitable that I am going to die soon even with all the support available.

    I am not functional any more, there is no passion left, so what is the point of existing in a state devoid of quality of life? To exist for the sake of existing just does not feel acceptable. I just want solutions instead of mental pain.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry to hear you're suffering so much *hugs*

    Are you currently in therapy? If not I think it's high time for you to get some, you deserve to help yourself.

    Try to do things that make you happy, even if they are silly! Anything that can make you smile even for a second. And please do try to get some more help hun.
  3. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    I did find it useful to tell my doctor I was suicidal. She took it seriously and forwarded my details to a mental health team
    Persephone2 likes this.
  4. Gergin

    Gergin Well-Known Member

    Try finding a hobby, just keep your mind busy and your body moving. It helps me keep my depression in check. Maybe it can help you too. Best wishes.
  5. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    Adam I am so sorry you are doing so poorly. I remember you as an incredibly intelligent man with an active mind. Weren't you once really interested in designing computer games. So to see you so down and without passion is difficult. I wish I had some wonderful advice that would solve everything. But all I can do is send hugs and encourage you to stay with us. I just don't think you are so broken that you can't recover. Please give yourself time to do that.
    Persephone2 likes this.
  6. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Staff Member Safety & Support

    On the fight to do the basics, the nothingness and boredom....all I can truly say is you are not alone. For whatever that may be worth. Hopefully at least one or both of us will get a breakthrough. Sending you as much virtual support that I can; hope we get to chat again soon.
    Persephone2 likes this.
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Maybe at this point taking it a hour at a time is more possible than a day at a time. Nothing is giving you the slightest sense of satisfaction?
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