yeh I am. totally. again, thought me and this "girl" had something going but obviously not. says one thing, means something else, does something else then says "oh you say the most sweetiest things and this is what a girl wants". then she is like "your are just not boyfriend material" - uh hang on, do you know how that feels? One minute you are saying I am sweetiest and different, something you want, the next that? what the hell is wrong with women? i keep hearing "oh you will find someone" - when? It's been YEARS!!!!!!!!!! how do you know if I will find someone? Why cant that someone be you? Proove you are different..proove you arent shallow... but instead they proove they are just that I cant live without passion/love/affection or just without touching a fingertip. i have so much to give, all this energy wasting and bubbling up uncontrollably.... I'm so positive but there is only so much you can do even after changing your life for the better, which in itself is a very hard and challanging thing to do and people say its easy - its not. i dunno why... why am I living? Why am I breathing? Why can I not have a relationship like everyone else? Why are women picky, fussy and racist? seriously.... then they bitch about how they cant find a decent man..... stupid. I've just given up and in this world of just me and no hope. seriously. its just not ... nice. have no energy or strength for anything and I dunno how I am coping because I live alone... and no one to help me or cheer me up or pick me up... and I want someone to do that too.... like im being raped into thinking that I shouldnt have a relationship and no one listens at all I bet if I were on Oprah, people would take a huge interest in my life/story.... and change. seriously, that is how convinced I am. have so much to give, so comfortable being around (as some people say) yet..... they dont want it and bitch about the fact they want it. people have dates, i never have. its almost been a year since my first and last unfortunate ex.... and that ending was just so bad and so rough and im still drained from it. i know every weekend she sleeps with someone (who is a mother of 2).... and i just slip into some coma thinking about it every weekend.... i know what she is doing. no sense of respect, no care, nothing. so why was she with me then? when are women going to learn? every weekend i have been in for the past 10 months, all my programmes are always cancelled. i was this close to suicide last night.... every freaking weekend I am in alone whilst everyone is out...with someone. ?!