Tired, lonely, depressed and addicted

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by TheWr0ngChild, Mar 4, 2008.

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  1. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I've not posted here much, and I feel very guilty for moaning on and not supporting other members as much as I should, but right now I don't think I would be much help to anyone, I am 22 years old just turned (Feb 25th), I am too young to be sat here in absloute misery feeling sorry for myself, I should be out having fun, meeting people, going to see the bands I love etc etc, but here I am, sat online day in day out, why? Because my mind is not wired socialy, my Asperger Syndrome, as much as it is part of me like my hands and feet are, means I find it near impossible to even face other people or be around them in any kind of social way, I mean I can hold a quick conversation with a stranger on a bus, but anything in depth that means I have to form any kind of relationship with anyone, I ether hurt them in some way or I get my back stabbed because I cannot tell when someone is playing me or trying to use me, so for me it is safer to stay away from this kind of thing before I find myself in serious trouble. So one day I read online that you could buy pills with Codeine in them from the pharmacy (in the UK) so I thought, hey lets give them a try for my period pain, which blights my life just so you know, so I did just that, and from that day, about a month and a half ago, I found a friend, something that did not judge me or care about who I was, somthing that covered up my deficits in such a beautiful bittersweet way, something that lets me put music on and get lost in it like i used to do when I was younger, something that lets me get up in the morning and get out of my aching body and take a walk downtown without being afraid, when I'm on these pills it is like I have been transfered into another body that does ache or have horrific migranes every morning, I am free, I can only describe the feeling these pills give me as the way a bird that has been trapped in a cage all it's life breaking free, being able to sing and love the sun again, I finaly feel like a human again, they even keep me from crying, and please do not suggest anti depressants, I've been on these before and I went crazy, people with Aspergers often have extreme bad reactions to stuff like that. I am now addicted to these pills, and they have taken over my life, I could stop them, but go back to my pain wracked body, no way, I stop these I die. Most people take stuff so they don't have to feel, but I am the opposite, these pills allow me to feel again from under the shadow of pain, they are my liberation, my salvation, my freedom, and my downfall.
  2. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member


    I'm from the midlands as well and I'm also tired, lonely, depressed and addicted so I know how you feel although I don't take codeine tablets.

    You have to be careful with addictions, drugs are a slippery slope.

    Try to be sensible about what you're taking, normally with drugs a tolerance often builds up resulting in people needing more and more of a substance until the problem gets out of hand.

    Take care
  3. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I'm tired because I can't sleep, I have horrific nightmares from 2 years of neglect and abuse in a supported living scheme, I can go for days at a time without sleep, to th epoint where I almost collapse...
  4. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear that, I'm just tired of life

    Try to be strong and hold things together.

    I hope things get better for you in the future
  5. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    I just took some Codeine myself, but unfortunately it was a one time prescription and I took the rest of what I had. It's wearing off. I'm sure you can ween yourself off of it slowly, as it is not a hard drug, but I know how relaxed and social anxiety free it makes you feel, as well as allowing free flowing thoughts to emulate through our minds. I hope you start to feel better very soon without having to rely on Codeine.
  6. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    I've recently been trying to kick a codeine addiction as well. I did find some information at www.codeineaddiction.com. It may or may not help you.

    Good luck
  7. Melmoth the Wanderer

    Melmoth the Wanderer Well-Known Member

    I just turned twenty last December. I, too, have social anxiety, and I suspect that I may have a mild form of Asperger's as well. And, strangely enough, I just took a dose of codeine last night because of a minor arm injury. I can see why it's an attractive drug for many people.

    You said that anti-depressants didn't work for you, but have you thought about anti-anxiety meds? I know there are several out there, though I've never tried one. I'm technically on the anti-depressant paroxetine, but it does way more for my social anxiety than it does for my mood. My inability to understand the rituals of social interaction doesn't bother me as much as it did before I started taking meds.

    How long have you been taking the codeine?
  8. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I've been doing it for about a month and a half melmoth, I am nothing without it now, I tried to quit but cried myself to sheer exhaustion where I could not even get up, not alot of fun, and I was doing this every day before I started taking it.
  9. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Tin_woman, im so sorry to hear of all your problems. I thought i was alone with my codeine addiction. Sometimes it seems the only thing that can get me out of bed, but i also wonder how much we use codeine to treat mental pain as if it is psychological, does that make sense?

    PM me anytime if you want to talk.
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