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Tired of being alone

johnDoen

Outsider in the Realm of Lost and Found
#2
See title. Double it, then treble it. Sick of it all. Sick of being so alone. I hate the world. I hate everything. The world can go do one.
I know you hate me, as a part of everything and the world, but do you want to talk a bit with me to feel less alone.
 
#3
I've been forgotten about. I haven't gone outside since March. I spend so many days in silence where I don't utter a single word. The things that gave me joy are gone. Along with my physical health. People carry on without me, without noticing I'm not there anymore. The me shaped hole filled in an instant like I was never there.

The world is doing just fine without me.
 

johnDoen

Outsider in the Realm of Lost and Found
#4
I've been forgotten about. I haven't gone outside since March. I spend so many days in silence where I don't utter a single word. The things that gave me joy are gone. Along with my physical health. People carry on without me, without noticing I'm not there anymore. The me shaped hole filled in an instant like I was never there.

The world is doing just fine without me.
It's a tough time we are living at the moment. The virus can damage everyone without infecting them first. You are not alone in this case. What you mentioned is relatable to almost everyone by now.

The world is doing just fine without you, but you are the world to someone out there. It's impossible for them to carry on without you & the guilt of not noticing you in the first place.
 
#5
My adoptive family don't care. They don't bother with the family WhatsApp chats anymore. Ì bent over backwards to send links for activities for my toddler niece. Youtube video links for things to cheer my mum up, or to make my brother laugh. But they still don't let me in their exclusive club. They still treat me like an outsider. None of them care that I've been struggling really badly with long covid since March. The life I had, the person I was. That's all gone. And I may never get that back.
 

johnDoen

Outsider in the Realm of Lost and Found
#7
My adoptive family don't care. They don't bother with the family WhatsApp chats anymore. Ì bent over backwards to send links for activities for my toddler niece. Youtube video links for things to cheer my mum up, or to make my brother laugh. But they still don't let me in their exclusive club. They still treat me like an outsider. None of them care that I've been struggling really badly with long covid since March. The life I had, the person I was. That's all gone. And I may never get that back.
It seems like, as long as you are still functioning, no one would care about your problems. I'm also an outsider, I know.
Maybe, it's too late, but hey, what are you feeling right now?
 
#8
I feel like I've lost everything too many times now, and with the state of the world now, it feels like I've come full circle. I was a recluse for 15 years. I'm right back here again, living the nightmare all over again. No matter how much I worked to build a new life for the past 6 years, it all came crashing down in a heartbeat. It took all I had to pick up the pieces the last time. I don't have the strength to do it again.
 

johnDoen

Outsider in the Realm of Lost and Found
#9
I feel like I've lost everything too many times now, and with the state of the world now, it feels like I've come full circle. I was a recluse for 15 years. I'm right back here again, living the nightmare all over again. No matter how much I worked to build a new life for the past 6 years, it all came crashing down in a heartbeat. It took all I had to pick up the pieces the last time. I don't have the strength to do it again.
It's a circle in my case, too. Though, I've never spent years in isolation and meditation to understand God and life. Maybe you do so for different reasons.
As @adamjam suggested, have you talked to anyone else - who are willing to listen to you in real life, about the problems you are facing now?
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#10
Can I ask, does being here on SF help you feel less alone? Obviously it's not the same as having someone there by your side but its a comfort to a lot of people and I hope it is to you too, even just venting like you are doing now can help.

The current situation is incredibly difficult but it will pass and you can get back to working on all those things again. Those 6 years weren't wasted, I'm sure you learned valuable life skills that will help you when this is all over and throughout the rest of your life.

Have you considered getting online counselling to help you through these dark times?

Personally, I think the most important thing to realise now is that you are not alone and some day soon we'll get back out there in the real world and do whatever it is we fancy. I'm genuinely sorry that you are suffering right now and your family not letting you in their circle is a bit cruel and mean in my eyes, just know SF will never turn its back on you. Hold on tight. *hug
 

Przym

Well-Known Member
#11
I feel like I've lost everything too many times now, and with the state of the world now, it feels like I've come full circle. I was a recluse for 15 years. I'm right back here again, living the nightmare all over again. No matter how much I worked to build a new life for the past 6 years, it all came crashing down in a heartbeat. It took all I had to pick up the pieces the last time. I don't have the strength to do it again.
Oh man, do I feel you on this!

I also live in a reclusive existence, with very brief periods of "venturing out" that didn't end well.

Just perpetually stuck indoors, with a "family" that is quite literally soul-sucking to the point of idealizing death on a daily basis.

I have been in a particular rut since 2014, and haven't been able to recover.

I'm sorry you're dealing with it, too, on different levels.
 

MisterBGone

SF Supporter
#12
My adoptive family don't care. They don't bother with the family WhatsApp chats anymore. Ì bent over backwards to send links for activities for my toddler niece. Youtube video links for things to cheer my mum up, or to make my brother laugh. But they still don't let me in their exclusive club. They still treat me like an outsider. None of them care that I've been struggling really badly with long covid since March. The life I had, the person I was. That's all gone. And I may never get that back.
I'm sorry... I can't imagine what that must be like: (the "adoptive family,") part. :/ Sounds like you made great efforts--& that, at least when you look back on it - there will be no question that you did everything in your power to try & nurture the relationships. Seems to me like people would / could / should be lucky to have someone so caring in their lives!
 
#14
Thank you everyone. I'm sorry so many of us are stuck in situations we can't escape. I wish I could see my way out but my health is ruined. I had chronic fatigue before I got sick from suspected covid in March. Since then, it's a hundred times worse. Making a meal feels like climbing a mountain now. Figure skating was the only thing that gave me any kind of purpose or reason to leave the house. It doesn't feel like I'll ever be physically capable of skating or competing ever again. And without that, what am I? Without that drive, and freedom, and feeling of possibilities that took me out of myself and let me escape from the pain and the self hatred.. there is nothing but.. me. And that thought horrifies me. My whole identity and plans for the future all got taken away and I fear they may very well be gone forever.
 

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