Tired of being bullied by my mother

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AsphyxiateOnWords, Apr 17, 2015.

  1. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    Every time I see her she always has something negative to say about me. Just in the past 2 weeks, here's a few things I remember off the top of my head that she's said to me:

    Why are you wearing white? No one wears white during winter. Why couldn't you wear a different color?
    Ever since you lost weight, your nose looks bigger now.
    You're too skinny, and it's not attractive anymore.
    Why are you wearing those boots with that top? They don't go together.
    You're dressed like a hooker.
    You don't keep your room orderly enough.
    When are you going to start working already? (And this, considering the fact that I've been recently diagnosed with crohn's, need surgery soon, and can't work)
    You can't cook properly for yourself, you eat a bunch of crap and probably make your crohn's worse (which is complete bullshit, I've been following the diet my GI recommended to the tee).

    Like I said, these are just a few things from the past 2 weeks that I can think of off the top of my head, but there's probably a lot more I'm just not remembering. And seriously, I'm starting to get sick and fucking tired of all of it. Reading back those things I wrote, it undoubtedly seems like she's deliberately trying to crush my self-esteem and make me feel like I can't do anything right for myself. My husband tells me to do the same shit to her that she does to me. Tell her that I hate how she's dressed, and that she needs to lose weight, etc. Now I'm not the type of person that would get satisfaction from making my own mother feel like shit, but there's no reason for her to constantly do it to me either, and I have no idea how else to approach this. If I tell her the things she says hurt me, it won't make a lick of difference. She'll say something like "Well, if I don't tell you "the truth", who will?" or "I'm only saying it cause I want what's best for you" and etc. She'll make me feel like an asshole for questioning it or getting offended basically. When she said the thing about why are you wearing those boots with that top and that I look like a hooker, my response was that I like it and I'm free to dress however I want to dress, and she said I was being rude, making me immediately feel like an asshole when I shouldn't be because I was speaking the truth and defending myself. So, I don't know what the hell else to do. I don't want to resort to being as much of a dick as she is, but I'm not sure if doing anything else would work.
  2. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    It strikes me that your mother has not gotten the message yet that you are an adult and it is time to move into the next stage of your relationship. Her role in molding you is over. Now she needs to let go and move towards something akin to friendship. She is actually harming you and your relationship with her by keeping this stuff up. She needs to accept who you are and just be a source of support and encouragement. Sure, if she sees you about to step into on-coming traffic she can throw her arm up but you're grown. Her work is done.

    Meanwhile your self esteem is taking a battering and it's infuriating on top of it. She probably isn't going to change, unfortunately, so you need to figure out a way to let her comments roll off your back. Easier said than done, I know. The problem is, when you're going through a hard time, it is really damaging to have a negative influence in your life, which is what your mother is becoming. You might have to limit your contact with her a little bit for your own self preservation. Get off the phone when she starts up. Cut back your visits together. I don't think it will help you to repay her in kind. For one thing that involves you being nasty, which never really feels good. And secondly things will only escalate.

    I'm really sorry she isn't more of a support to you. Her job is to help build you up, not tear you down. I think she needs to retake "Parenting 101".
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I totally know where you are coming from, this week alone she said to me ;

    ''the rape what your own fault''
    ''you are a fat bitch''
    ''you won't last a day in college''

    I completely get where you are coming from, I'm sorry she is so mean to you. We are here to help you through this. I'm sure she loves you as mine does me but showing it in a crazy way. Hugs to you. :hug:
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I'd put some distant between you and if she phones complaining that you don't visit, say, as calmly as possible, "I can't come round if all you do is pull me to pieces, I love you, but not how you talk to me."