Doctors, crisis workers, psychologists... so tired of endless appointments and home visits and them all telling me everything is going to be fine. My life is a train wreck, I may be homeless within 2 weeks, bills piling up, I'm not eating or sleeping, have endless hassles from my current landlord since I said I'm leaving the dump I'm living in, I really don't see a bright side to any of it. How can I stay positive when what sad life I have left is going down the drain? To top off the more obvious problems I have various psychosis and depression, I get paranoid and hear voices, blackouts and occassionally even forget who I am, especially when under pressure. How can they say its all going to be fine and things will work out ok? Everday I feel myself getting closer to just ending it all, at the moment it seems more attractive to dealing with all this crap. Just wish I really did have something to be positive about, something to look forward to, or a gurantee for the future I could hold onto. Spent the day with my dad today... things have been so bad for him lately to, he literally has a broken back and is on the hospital waiting list and taking morphine based pain meds, my younger sister is back in hospital to be fitted for an external fixation in 3 weeks and he says my step mom and him are near bankruptcy after a 3 year run of bad luck... yet I found myself jealous of him. That he could still smile and make the best of it. Where did I lose that? The only time I've been positive is when I've been in the hospital psych ward, locked away from all I have to face outside it, safe and knowing what will come tomorrow, no hassles, around people I can relate to, knowing where my next meal is coming from. I truly hate this world, my life, my attitude, my 'disorders' and just lately doctors and others telling me everything will work out for the best.