Tired of being positive

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TomT, Feb 7, 2010.

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  1. TomT

    TomT Active Member

    Doctors, crisis workers, psychologists... so tired of endless appointments and home visits and them all telling me everything is going to be fine. My life is a train wreck, I may be homeless within 2 weeks, bills piling up, I'm not eating or sleeping, have endless hassles from my current landlord since I said I'm leaving the dump I'm living in, I really don't see a bright side to any of it. How can I stay positive when what sad life I have left is going down the drain? To top off the more obvious problems I have various psychosis and depression, I get paranoid and hear voices, blackouts and occassionally even forget who I am, especially when under pressure.

    How can they say its all going to be fine and things will work out ok? Everday I feel myself getting closer to just ending it all, at the moment it seems more attractive to dealing with all this crap. Just wish I really did have something to be positive about, something to look forward to, or a gurantee for the future I could hold onto.

    Spent the day with my dad today... things have been so bad for him lately to, he literally has a broken back and is on the hospital waiting list and taking morphine based pain meds, my younger sister is back in hospital to be fitted for an external fixation in 3 weeks and he says my step mom and him are near bankruptcy after a 3 year run of bad luck... yet I found myself jealous of him. That he could still smile and make the best of it.

    Where did I lose that? The only time I've been positive is when I've been in the hospital psych ward, locked away from all I have to face outside it, safe and knowing what will come tomorrow, no hassles, around people I can relate to, knowing where my next meal is coming from. I truly hate this world, my life, my attitude, my 'disorders' and just lately doctors and others telling me everything will work out for the best.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Tom,
    Can you move back home.. It sounds as if you love your family and they love you.. I think you really should see a phsyciatrist and get on meds.. Part of what you described sounds like you might be borderline skyzophrenic.. I'm the same way and they put me on meds for it and it has helped quite a bit.. I don't hear voices anymore and I don't see shadows anymore..
    You have us here at the forum for support and you can vent all you need to.. No one here judges you.. We all have problems thats why we're here..I wish you luck and hope your family will take you back in..Maybe you can find a part time job so you you can contribute it to your family.. Take care!!
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I get angry when the pollyanna professionals say the positive stuff. Especially when I can see they are newbies out of college and they feel helpless to make everything right.

    I try to ignore it and focus on what I know the function of each facility and professional is. Only thing is, they are limited.

    I hope moving in with your family is a good option for you. It sounds like you need less stress. I know that the stresses of the world we live in overwhelm me.

    I hope you feel better soon. Keep posting here, it will help a lot.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Sometimes you get sick of hearing that "everything's gonna be okay." Especially when that's the exact opposite of how you feel.

    Is it at all possible for you to move back with your family?

    I hope you keep posting here. Sometimes it helps to vent, or to talk to people who care or have been there.
  5. TomT

    TomT Active Member

    Really wish moving in with my family was an option but its not :( And I'm already on meds Stranger, they just don't help much, planning on trying to get my psychiatrist to try me on something else when I see him this week instead of upping the dosage like he has the past few times. Any luck he can find something to help me, though at the moment I'd settle just for a little hope to hold onto, just to know this isn't going to be the rest of my life.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    There really is hope. I watched a good friend struggle while they tried to find the right combination of meds for her. She wanted to give up so many times, but in the end they did find a combination of meds that helps her. She's had to have the dosage upped one time since she's been on them, but they're still working. So please don't give up, that hope is still there. Talk to your doctor (again, if he hasn't listened the first time), and let him know the meds you're on now aren't working and you'd like to try something different.
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