Tired of being sick both mental and physical

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by DrownedFishOnFire, Aug 9, 2016.

  1. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    I'm at this point where I avoided doctors like the plague and handling my mental disorder and swearing them off and medications to having to resort to seeing them since the car accident it has become physical after a series of dehumanizing treatment I had the appendix rupture I waited too long before hauling my ass back in the ER and ended up in the hospital for 10 days due to severe infection and drain put in. Anyone who knows or had it before knows its not pleasant.

    I had a follow up with the doc but only saw the nurse and asked for antidepressant as was so upset emotionally she prescriped lexapro and I gambled and asked for seroquel which helps me sleep and the doctor refused to refill it telling me I must see a psych doc for it. I swore them off over a year ago if not two years. No way. She sent me off with the script for only 30 days worth freaking wonderful and said I had to do a follow up within 30 days. Lexapro and seroquel is actually making me feel a lot better emotionallywise sleeping better and longer.

    Ive complained of bladder pain and they wrote it off saying I'm already on antibotics its going to go away. My lungs has started to hurt and my stomach is giving me a hard time.

    A part of me wants to go to the doc and get both seroquel and lexapro refilled other part of me is telling me to fuck this and deal with the physical/emotional pain on my own. If the doctor tells me to go to the ER I am refusing flat out. I freaking hate that hospital.

    Part of me says fuck it all and let go of the glue I worked so hard to hold my mind together and lived without haldol, seroquel and lithium for over a year and just feel like a trainwreck coming all over again. I just want to not die but fucking give myself a metaphor of a person who doesn't give a damn about their life conditions and let the mind take free reins. Ofc I slip up here and there but once people are startled I just look at them like they're the crazy one as I didn't say or do nothing at all.
     
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  2. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    I am sure I cannot begin to imagine this level of suffering, and across such a wide field of issues--physical, and very severe physical, and then mental, and all the decisions and labors involved in figuring out what is the perfect route for you. I feel helpless having just words to hand you across the vast expanse of the internet. But I want you to know that I read your post as if I were beside you, and I wish I could help in some way. I'm glad you let it all out today.

    Don't know about your insurance situation or if you get free medical care where you live, but I'd probably (knowing how I am) wait for a day when I had the optimism and energy to call a psychiatrist--yes, they are VERY aggravating, but they can keep switching your meds till you get a combo you like, and aren't their office visits super short, like 10 minutes, because they usually skip the talk therapy and just write prescriptions? My last psychiatrist was 20 times crazier than I was, and I wanted to quit her so badly, but she was really good about letting me try meds, and gave me seroquel and clonidine and a lot of stuff that is way over the heads of regular doctors to know how to prescribe. I do NOT mean to be GIVING YOU ADVICE! Ugh! I so dislike unsolicited advice... I would rather think that I am just thinking out loud about what I would do. Because of Obamacare, I have NO HEALTH INSURANCE even though I have to pay the government $800 a month!!!Before Obama, I had 100% coverage with no deductible all my life ! So without any coverage, despite the $800 monthly I give the government, I have to pay through the nose for everything. If you have insurance that covers a psychiatrist, I'd envy that, and jump on it, but only if it were me. Your values are certainly different from mine, and I support anything and everything (legal and safe) that you try. I love seroquel, too. Ohhhhh for sleep, it is a dream come true. I hope you will let us know how this turns out. I know that not just I but everyone here cares about you, and you are a well-respected and well-loved member of our family here. xo
     
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  3. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    It is very easy to become disolussioned with Doctors and Medication when we are not feeling any benefits from them. I am like that right now with meds, they are doing nothing to lift my mood and I am on max doseage now with another drug on top that acts almost like a booster. But, what works for one wont work for me and there are a million drugs out there to try. Its very frustrating, but theres nothing I can do about it. Next time I see my psych, we will talk it over and no doubt he will change things again and we try again.

    I have sworn I will not go on a psych ward every again. I have my reasons. So my own experience of that side of my treatment has not been good. But I shall keep plugging away with my psych and my groups in the hope that at some point, something changes. Thats all I have left, hope. Even that leaves me sometimes and thats when I just think that none of this is worth it. But I know thats a distortion and I soldier on waiting for some semblance of hope to return.

    Dying does put a end to the conundrum, but that means that my own existence really did count for fuck all and I am not yet reconciled with that fact.

    I also have physical illness as well, not pain, just things that wont change or improve. Going from able bodied to disabled is not easy to come to terms with and all that it entails. Cant drive, cant work, cant do pretty much anything half the time. But the fight goes on. I already gave in twice, lived to tell the tale and am not quite so ready to give up a third time.
     
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  4. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    Hey Fish.
    Me too... me too on almost everything you said. I haven't actually taken any of those prescription drugs but I'm tired of being physically and mentally ill too. It can be draining and sometimes it just seems easier to say fuck all and let your mind wander down it's self destructive path... but it's not easier in the long run because it takes twice as long to build yourself back up again, to make progress... to remember who you are away from all of the pain.

    I won't lie. I hate most doctors. I've only ever met one that has given a shit... Who has listened to my actual concerns and not tried to take me for all of the money I had. You should be able to use their services to get better but more than that should be treated as a human being ... I won't go into a rant. I guess there are a lot of people and things we could all blame but... I sympathize and empathize with the way you're feeling right now. I do hope you can continue to make progress in spite of the treatment you talk about. You deserve it.

    -Brittany
     
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  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Thank you all @chiaroscura @SinisterKid @Brittless for your insightful feedback amd experiences it did make it better for me

    I don't normally go telling people what I am online as its painfully obvious I am deaf and heavily rely on sign language interpreter for effective communication IRL. To most of hearing people only problem with accessing to health care is money/insurance related. For me it is the constant battle with the doctors to use sign language interpreter. I have been denied access to a specific neurologist office for 6 weeks dealing with headaches I got due to the car accident being rear ended at high speed no thanks to a drunk driver who committed suicide leaving me in more money hole the car accident has caused me to be in. Back to the neuro office they refused as it was the only office that my doctor referred me to.

    Many don't realize that many doctors and nurses REFUSE to get an interpreter thinking a pen and paper is an effective method but all of them forget to be patient and start to talk. I miss 90% of what happens being said. With an interpreter I catch 100%

    ADA law is very clear and get tax breaks every year for interpreter funds doctors office rather pocket the moneythemselves IMO

    All being said and done don't get me started with mental health accessiblity. Its same old song different dance. Hanging up and offices pretending I never called the previous day....I gave up long time ago. Screw them all
     
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  6. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    That sounds tough. So let me get this straight, they are supposed to provide an interpreter by law but they don't to save money?
     
  7. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    What country are you in?

    If you are in America, you could always file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau (BBB), you can file a complaint over the internet. I have before and it worked in my case. Maybe look up the ADA and see if there is a way to file a complaint through them. That will get results, promise you buddy
     
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  8. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Yep. They try to get out of it. Got an attorney involved as he was shocked how many doctors afflicated to my hospital were giving me the same bs line even to him on a 3 way phone call to one of their staff. It sucks. But certain people cant hide their annoyance when they find out one cant hear and pass them off to someone else like we have no feelings and is lesser than humans thats not supposed to get sick in this perfect world.
     
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  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    US. No the DOJ are super slow and BBB doesn't give two fucks about enforcing the laws they have no power. that's why ADA attorneys are super busy due to many cases. It sucks that my medical care was denied/delayed for them. Welcome to America. Its a messed up system.
     
  10. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    I still would give it a shot , filing a claim with BBB. It got time warner cable to respond two days jumping through hoops to settle my claim against them. It won't hurt to give it a shot, takes ten minutes tops
     
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  11. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Not sure if i want to now that I have a lawyer retained and working on the case as my final declaration was sent last month. Who knows if my public berating them via BBB will hurt my case or not
     
  12. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    I am FURIOUS at how you are being treated! If you have a lawyer, then you might be set. With all the apps now, you can talk into a computer and it translates it to type, altho not completely accurately. And if you have a smart phone, can you sit in the Dr office and talk to each other using TTY which is an old product, well known. One person talks and it goes to an office where super fast typists type what they are saying, like on TV when you turn off the sound and read the words almost at the speed they are said. The dr reads what you are saying at the same speed you are saying it, and vice versa for you. I worked for many years at a newspaper and my boss was deaf from birth. When I got there and saw how slow the advertisement woman was at helping him by trying to just understand him, I wanted to try something. By total chance, I found out a really strange talent I have (and maybe there are many such people in your area), which is that if a person talks, I can talk alongside them at less than a second delay, even tho I dont know what they are going to say next. I have no idea how I can do this. When people see it, it is shocking. So I showed my boss I could do it, and from then on, the phone would ring, and I would pick up his phone and explain that I was talking on his behalf. He would say hello and I simultaneously said hello (then explained). Then the caller could talk to me as fast as he wanted, and I could use my ability to mouth the words at the same speed to my boss as I held the phone and my boss watched my mouth. My boss would read my lips. Then my boss would reply and at the same speed my boss talked, I would say his words back into the phone. My boss was, for the first time, able to have REAL TIME conversations with anyone on the phone without tty or any slowness, by reading my lips as the customer talked and then my voice spoke at the same speed as my boss did. back into the phone. He had never been able to use the phone before!!!! My point is, I feel confident that your lawyer will not only successfully kick the butts of all these people breaking strictly enforced ADA laws, but will also be familiar with resources you might not know exist. I am so mad at those doctors and nurses right now. I hope they learn a BIG BIG lesson from this.

    And, from another line of work I did, I had to work with deaf families, mom dad and all kids deaf, and they taught me that deaf people build large communities and are very antithetical toward hearing people. They try to never interact with anyone but other deaf people. It was in a small town but a big deaf community, nearby, so maybe you can find one of these communities SO THAT they can share their resources with you regarding doctors, or send people with you for free, that fix the problem. Just throwing out every idea I have. But I know you didn't want ideas. You just wanted to share. And we all care very much for you and your situation. I hope you will continue to keep us posted. Your friend, Chia
     
  13. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Ask your lawyer what they think, I don't see how it could hurt. They would probably would not want the bad publicity for having a BBB claim against them. Maybe contact the local paper and try to get them to do a story about it, any Drs offic will avoid the bad publicity and cave in.
     
  14. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Yes @moxman. But its a common practice. I'm just tired of it.

    @chiaroscura thank you! I'm not one of those deafies who ingore hearing people nor are my deaf friends. That attitude isn't common anymore due to younger generation like us assembling in better
    I have a family that's all hearing. I am the only deaf one.

    Thank you so much for sharing
     
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  15. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    DrownedFishOnFire--I am really glad to hear that. I'm especially glad that the practice has changed of that almost-hostile attitude the families had toward hearing people. If their children even MENTIONED going to a school for the hearing, the parents were furious. I was kind of shocked. I had never known that attitude was so prevalent, but it's true that it was the older generation that was acting like that. The kids were just cool with whatever. Thanks for the very interesting information, my friend. :)
     
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  16. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    Moxman--GENIUS IDEA ABOUT CONTACTING THE NEWSPAPER! WHOA! The newspaper would be all over that, and every Dr office in town would be calling an emergency staff meeting on how NICELY they will be treating deaf patients from that point forward. Oh, I just LOVE that idea!