I'm at this point where I avoided doctors like the plague and handling my mental disorder and swearing them off and medications to having to resort to seeing them since the car accident it has become physical after a series of dehumanizing treatment I had the appendix rupture I waited too long before hauling my ass back in the ER and ended up in the hospital for 10 days due to severe infection and drain put in. Anyone who knows or had it before knows its not pleasant. I had a follow up with the doc but only saw the nurse and asked for antidepressant as was so upset emotionally she prescriped lexapro and I gambled and asked for seroquel which helps me sleep and the doctor refused to refill it telling me I must see a psych doc for it. I swore them off over a year ago if not two years. No way. She sent me off with the script for only 30 days worth freaking wonderful and said I had to do a follow up within 30 days. Lexapro and seroquel is actually making me feel a lot better emotionallywise sleeping better and longer. Ive complained of bladder pain and they wrote it off saying I'm already on antibotics its going to go away. My lungs has started to hurt and my stomach is giving me a hard time. A part of me wants to go to the doc and get both seroquel and lexapro refilled other part of me is telling me to fuck this and deal with the physical/emotional pain on my own. If the doctor tells me to go to the ER I am refusing flat out. I freaking hate that hospital. Part of me says fuck it all and let go of the glue I worked so hard to hold my mind together and lived without haldol, seroquel and lithium for over a year and just feel like a trainwreck coming all over again. I just want to not die but fucking give myself a metaphor of a person who doesn't give a damn about their life conditions and let the mind take free reins. Ofc I slip up here and there but once people are startled I just look at them like they're the crazy one as I didn't say or do nothing at all.