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Empathy Only Tired of being tired

I'm certain I had covid back in March. I've been through the gauntlet with long covid for 9 months. I'm so done with feeling like this with no help from the doctors, no recognition from my family and no end of the fatigue, fevers, and gut pain in sight.

When flare ups happen several times a day, it brings with it the desperate scream trapped in my chest. I can't do this anymore. It's been 9 months of coping with this completely alone. I am both physically and mentally wrecked. Nobody even talks about the emotional toll that long covid takes other than it being a by product of being sick for so long. I haven't gone out in 9 months. Even if I wanted to, I probably couldn't physically manage it. Even cooking simple dinners can wipe me out, and even when I get a good spell for a week or 2 it doesn't last.

A month ago I thought I was finally getting over it. I spent 3 weeks being able to exercise again. I felt like me again for the first time since March. I was pacing myself and really pleased with my progress. I'd finally found the road to recovery.

Then the wall hit, like a wrecking ball. I spent the next 3 weeks in bed which in itself was exhausting. It doesn't let you go, and GPs around here don't even acknowledge long covid exists. Its not like there's a single covid clinic in Scotland anyway. I've written to my MP about the woeful lack of support but I doubt it will make a difference.

I don't want to do this anymore. This isn't living. It's not even existing. I don't think I'm going to make it. If the physical illness doesn't finish me off, I think the mental effects very much will.

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