Tired of caring and feeling like there's no suppport

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jnumbers4506, Feb 16, 2011.

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  1. jnumbers4506

    jnumbers4506 New Member

    Every day for at least the last five years I have thought about killing myself. Usually I'm too scared or don't know how to best go about it and I think that's the only reason I'm still here.

    I'm tired of feeling alone. I grew up a loner with very few friends in a school full of judgmental Christians. I have a few friends who I care about deeply and reach out to constantly..but whenever I need support no one's there. All anyone can say is "oh it will get better".

    I'm tired of being used in all my relationships including any romantic ones. I'm tired of feeling ugly. I'm tired of being screwed over at work (and now, laid off). I have nothing to show for my 26 years here on Earth. I don't see how things will ever change to the point where I can enjoy life and feel good about myself.
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    First I want to say welcome to the forums. Second, I want you to know that many of us here understand what your going through. It can get better, but it takes time. And it can take a lot of changing. In order for things to get better, sometimes we have to re-train our brain on how to look at things. Its easier said then done. :hug:

    I'm glad you have come here though. Here maybe you can find the support you need. Or find people who can help you know how to get the support. Also about relationships. Sometimes, it's better to be on your own for a bit. To explore yourself. Don't hastily make friends to help you feel better. Find people who you know for a while. Rushing into relationships can get you badly hurt. Also, I know for me, the reasons I've been used is because I have a hard time being able to express what I need. For example, being able to tell someone what bothers me, and not to do it. Maybe you need to set boundaries and learn to be able to stand up for those (can be hard to do, I know).

    Anyway, sorry for the long reply. I hope you feel better! :hug:
  3. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Well intention, thats the key to change.
    Welcome to the forum.
    Please make some posts maybe read a few.
    Sometimes the answers are right in front of us, we just have to ask the right questions.
    Im sure many will understand how you feel here, i so wish you well.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is hard to see clearly when one is so depressed It is time to just look out after your needs now okay. Time to get some help for you with therapy perhaps and learn to love you first most Your friends they mean well they do but with help you can have a more peaceful future. You are still so very young lots of time to heal inside okay just get some help to do so. This is a great place to start h ugs
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    In the UK Christians are not as insane as the USA fundy's. I mean, Christ Himself - I've not counted the actual number of words He said but it's not a lot. I think they get drowned out by the millions of 'experts' each of which has the 'REAL' take on what Jesus meant.

    Forget about what he meant to say - you can read the words. There's not many.

    As for the rest of the post - I feel for you and am sorry things never worked out romantically. Often as not - I think people tend to go on a downward spiral after breaking up. Having depression does not help the process of healing, not when your own inner voice is badmouthing you.

    This internal dialogue - we all have this.

    With depression its hard to differentiate between the conscience and the voice of negativity. And if you are isolated or have few friends, the process is worse. You think the worse of yourself - you agree with yourself. You are a hanging judge willing to hang for the slightest misdemeanour's. You are your own worse critic.

    You even 'know' what the future will bring because depression sometimes comes with a free crystal ball - but a ball that only peers into the worse fu**** up scenarios out there. It is an amazing skill we have at our hands.

    So if anyone says "it might get better" you'll 'know' that's a lie. Your a regular time traveller with the uncanny ability to only see you ending up with the bad luck blues. You never see the bloody lottery numbers and come back to us telling us that you'll meet some guy or girl in 2016 who will bash you over the head with the big glass ashtrays some people keep just in case you turn up and need bashing on the head.

    Joking aside jnumbers - I'm not belittling your situation. I'm not denying you feel how you feel right NOW - but I'm being honest when I state that your problems, listed one by one, make for a more comforting reading than the problems listed as a whole. You've let a series of problems build up - 5 years of feeling this sh** everyday?

    First off, congratulations. Your still here - your strong to have kept this in for so long. But now you've outlined how you feel let me try and tell you that I think we all feel like that sometimes. Some of us go through it for years not even knowing we are depressed!

    You can bury the thought of negativity but its a live thought and it will, like some zombie in a B Movie - crawl out and lumber slowly but surely after you.

    You have to determine sometimes which problems are live ones likely to crawl out of the deepest grave (or re-assemble from cremation even!) and which problems or issues are the ones we CAN bury. When we work that out we set in place the first bit of order in our lives. We need order of sorts because the opposite of that is chaos.

    We've all got junk we can bury. And I don't mean burying ourselves.

    Secondly, have you tried any treatment? Lets be honest here - a man or woman who feels like dying for a few days, or few weeks, maybe they might recover by themselves. Maybe its not a biological depression, I mean its not a depression which is 100% real because we know that certain chemicals or the lack of them can affect emotions. 5 years of this and I'd say your depression is not just some low level blues. That's a serious amount of time to endure this when its quite possible that some prescription drug might really make you feel a whole lot better.

    I guess that counselling might help some also.

    We CAN help ourselves though. Everyone has something that brings some joy in their lives be it some hobby or pastime. The trouble with many adults is that they throw aside many things that gave them joy. Try to tap into that - whatever it might be.
  6. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Oh hey, join the club. Guessing you are also '85? Have you sought therapy?

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