Tired of existence

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by callahan, Dec 30, 2014.

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  1. callahan

    callahan New Member

    I thought I didn´t want to live because I feel depressed or because I cannot make any relationships.

    But I think the real reason is that I just don´t want to exist.

    I kinda realized that when thought about how much I love to sleep and hate when I wake up every time.

    I´m tired of the day´s routines, not interested to experience new things; no real hobbies, no friends, no desires.

    The only desire I got is to not exist and if to die is all it takes, I´m Ok with it.

    The problem is, my dad who I love wouldn´t take my death at all and so I basically live for him only.

    But I´m also going to live in different place, separated from him and alone.

    And being alone makes me scared of becoming too weak to take my life, which is something I deep down truly want, but at the same time I just can do this to him. He doesn´t know about my condition and I want this to stay that way for his own sake.

    I´m glad to see he´s happy about his son, who´s making decent living, comparing to other people of my age (25) so I don´t want to spoil his life, he is happily living.

    It´s just I don´t what to do in the meanwhile with myself. I´m bored, tired and ignorant to everything and everyone else.

    I see no point in trying in life and don´t know how long I will be strong enough to at least pretend I try to live.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i understnad i do i only exist for the ones i care for dam depression does that i do hope you do something for your father and that is take care of YOU ok get some professional help so you can spend your day with joy in your heart for him
     
  3. I understand your situation and wish I had some magical words to say to make you feel better.

    I am tired of living myself. Like you, I don't want to wake up either. I have the means to make the pain stop and am pretty sure I am going to go through with it. The days are soooooooooo long and the nights are even longer. I have no friends because I suffer from anxiety and my family has even said that it exhausts them being around them.

    I don't know have any other answers other than leaving this world because I feel I just don't belong here and honestly never have.

    I have cried until I feel I have no water left in my body to produce any more tears.

    I will keep you in prayers while I am still here. Good luck to you.
     
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