I thought I didn´t want to live because I feel depressed or because I cannot make any relationships. But I think the real reason is that I just don´t want to exist. I kinda realized that when thought about how much I love to sleep and hate when I wake up every time. I´m tired of the day´s routines, not interested to experience new things; no real hobbies, no friends, no desires. The only desire I got is to not exist and if to die is all it takes, I´m Ok with it. The problem is, my dad who I love wouldn´t take my death at all and so I basically live for him only. But I´m also going to live in different place, separated from him and alone. And being alone makes me scared of becoming too weak to take my life, which is something I deep down truly want, but at the same time I just can do this to him. He doesn´t know about my condition and I want this to stay that way for his own sake. I´m glad to see he´s happy about his son, who´s making decent living, comparing to other people of my age (25) so I don´t want to spoil his life, he is happily living. It´s just I don´t what to do in the meanwhile with myself. I´m bored, tired and ignorant to everything and everyone else. I see no point in trying in life and don´t know how long I will be strong enough to at least pretend I try to live.