tired of failing

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by whytryanymore, Nov 16, 2009.

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  1. whytryanymore

    whytryanymore Well-Known Member

    ok so im new and really in a bad way right now ive taken a few xxx, not enough to kill me but im thinkin heavily of it. im tired of hurting and letting down the ppl around me and i just wish i could stop doing itbut every time i try i just mess it up worse. ive been on some antidepressants but they never seem to work they either make me fall asleep at random or smoke like a chimney,plus they cost so much i can never afford more than a sample trial. but thats not the point im tired of hurting those around me but thats all i can do anymore as hard as i try not to. im just a walking failure and cant stand to cause dissapointment to everyone anymore ill just give them what they want.....a life without me
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 16, 2009
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I have felt this way very often...if there is someone you care for, tell him/her how much his/her relationships means to you and get some of the caring you deserve...I am sure you will find many ppl here who are struggling with similiar feelings...big hugs, J
  3. suzie_m

    suzie_m Member

    hey Kory,
    do you really believe that a life without you is what they want from you:eek:hmy: You absence would be the ultimate hurt to those people around you.
    Maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself and getting into a cycle of perceiving your efforts as failures. It can be soo difficult to live up to expectations of people around us, it can be something that a lot of people around us battle with a lot.
    Please do hang in there, your efforts are sure to go a long way:biggrin:
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Kory, I'm glad you found SF. You have a place now where you can talk about the pain and feelings and not need to feel like you're letting anyone down or hurting them.

    Most times, what we think we are doing to others is really far from it. Our depression makes us see everything as being bleak and negative. And because everything seems to be that way, we keep living our lives as if it is the truth. And the more despaired feeling we become the stronger the depression becomes. So we do in a sense become a drain to those around us because we cant seem to see the truths they are telling us. We can only see what the depression wants us to see.

    Antidepressives need a good 6 weeks of regular dosages to be really effective. If you arent being able to take yours as recommended, then your body isnt getting the chance to work out the side effects like the drowsiness. And it isnt getting enough of the meds to last through a 24 hour period. Most antidepressives are slow release and are suggested to be taken at certain intervals throughout the day. That way they can work all day. I think it is really important that you talk to your doc again and explain exactly what is happening regarding your meds. He/she may be able to find resources that can help in supplementing the cost for the meds.

    If you arent already, maybe look into a pdoc, therapist or counselling. It gives you a chance to be able to talk to someone that can help you work on different coping skills and again other resources like support groups that will help you through the hard times. Most of those services can be found through government sponsored programs that cost nothing or very little to you.

    And if nothing else seems to help or is available to you, then go to the nearest hospital and tell them what you have said here. They can get you the help you need. Please dont give up completely yet. You still have a lot of options to explore. Suicide is the last option you will ever be able to try if you keep listening to your feelings, so please make sure you have checked into all other possible ones first.
  5. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we are all here for you.
  6. whytryanymore

    whytryanymore Well-Known Member

    ive been to the hospital before for an overdose, that was not an attempt at suicide, but according to the state shrink who talked to me after they gave me a lot adavant and oxygen said i needed to go to intermountain hospital. but it doesnt make sense imsupposed to be suicidal but after three days they released me with a script of 10mg of lexapro. that was december of '06. ever since then ive just gotten worse, and everytime ive tried to talk to any of my "fiends" or family about it they always turn it into something else, everybody has dropped me like im 10lbs of crap in a 9lb bag.

    im tired of it
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Unfortunately, too many times the hospitals only hold you til they feel that you are no longer an immediate threat to yourself or others. If you feel that a stay in a pward would help then tell your gp or pdoc and get them to do what is necessary to get you in there for a few weeks. But your stay is only as helpful as you are willing to let it be. You need to take advantage of what resources you will have to offer.

    You can talk here. No one is going to turn away or try to pretend that your words are useless or unimportant. Keep posting and talk about the things that have brought you here.
  8. littlebird

    littlebird Member

    hi. not much good at advice but just wanted to say i know how you feel. you're not alone. sometimes family and friends dont know how to react, it may seem like they dont care but often they just dont know what to say. its often helpful to talk to someone who is outside the situation.
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