Tired of feeling this way...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by sanrio908, May 29, 2010.

  1. sanrio908

    sanrio908 Member

    Ok, so this is my first time on this board and hopefully you can all help :)

    It all started with some mysterious anxiety I was feeling about my cousin and her pregnancy. It's only my third week going to a councelor for it so, we haven't quite gotten to the source of the issue, but I do feel better talking about it.

    Anyways, during this time, I've recieved upsetting news that seemed to bug me, a lot. I got a D in one my college classes and have to take the class over (which, for days, led my dad to lose faith in me and though that I no longer complete the major of my choice and wanted me to reconsider) and I failed my roadtest for the 4th time. Thankfully, I was able to get over these events, but then something happened yesterday that totally threw me off track.

    During that time when I found out my grade/failed roadtest, my aunt said that I could go visit her house for the long weekend and help the previously mentioned pregnant cousin move out. I was ecstatic. This cousin is someone I look up to and I'd enjoy getting to know her more and become closer (and I didn't mind that I would be doing work). Not only that, but it would let me escape this misery that I was feeling at the moment.

    Both my mother and father agreed that I could go, my mother being a little hesistant because its a 1 1/2 train ride to my aunt's house. And for the entire week, I was so excited, I could barely contain it. I felt so happy that I was finally getting to go out and see my cousin. Then my mother, the day before I was supposed to leave, says that because of some unexplainable fear about my traveling, she can't let me go this weekend. Any other weekend is fine, just not this weekend.

    I tried reasoning with my mother, to quelm her fears. I told her that Memorial Day weekend, NYC (where I need to transfer trains) is empty because most people are out to the beach or in the Hamptons. Using my councelor's advice I told her that I would be willing to call her whenever I got off and boarded a train, and would definently call when I reached my aunt's house. I also told her, this would be a great independant adventure for me, seeing as though I need to grow up. I then told her that I honestly believe that going to aunt's house would help me get away from my problems and make me feel so much better. My mother agreed with me on all these issues, but then said this feeling of hers is what's preventing me to go this weekend.

    Ever since then, I've felt so depressed. I've cried so many times, I still feel like crying, and now my mother's angry at me for looking like 'somebody's just died'. I just feel like I need to see my cousin as soon as possible so I can feel better ASAP. She's a doctor so I'm not sure what weekends she has off and I just feel that if I see her, I will honestly and truly feel so much better. Now I'm afraid being upsetting my mother has made me lose any chances of seeing my cousin and if I do get a chance, how do I express my desire to see someone that I barely talk to without sounding like an obsessive freak? I could call my aunt, but how do I phrase my desire to see my cousin without freaking her out?

    I know it's a lot to read, and I promise I'll tell my councelor about this once I go to my appt. but, it's so many days away, I was hoping someone out here could help. Thank you.