Have you ever wished you were Data on Star Trek? No emotions, no pain, and if you wanted to feel anything you could just turn on a switch and let it flow but would like the convenience of turning off the emotions and pain when life became too much. I know I sure would. I am so tired of the things I feel. I can no longer watch the news it makes me depressed. Everyone is killing, robbing or dying. I am annoyed with my neighbors who block my driveway with their cars. Next time I am calling a tow truck instead of being nice and waiting for some kid to finish his round on the Xbox 360 to move is vehicle. I am frustrated with myself, because I lack any desire, drive and motivation to put my life in order, no matter how miserable it currently makes me feel. My teeth are hurting me from a cavity and yet just thinking of walking through the door of the dentist office makes me want to stop breathing, crawl into a corner and cry. When did I become such a coward? It wouldn't matter anyways I don't have the money to have the work done. I am tired of living daily in pain. If it isn't my teeth then its my back or my knees. I am too young to be in this much pain. No amount of money from an accident settlement makes up for this kind of pain or the frustration of waiting in doctor's waiting rooms, being probed at, and then continuously being questioned. I am angry that the drunk teenage driver that hit me got 60 hours of community service and I am still paying out for more medical bills his insurance can't cover. Yet he had one scratch on his hand and he was fine. Me I get my ankle supported by an external fixator and back surgery on my lower lumbar! Want to really tick me off... remind me how after I get a settlement I still have no money from the kid or the parents. When they say life isn't fair, they mean it! I feel ugly. I know I wasn’t super model gorgeous before but since the accident I haven't worn shorts. The scars are enough to make me turn my head as I get dressed. Yet it ticks me off my husband tries to tell me otherwise when I can catch him wince when he sees it too. I get it, I am scarred, now let me hide away in peace! It irritates me to do puzzles anymore. My patience is almost completely gone. What I used to like to do I no longer do. I am bored with my daily routine of nothing. Yet I know nothing to do. Half the time I am disgusted with the way civilized society acts. I dislike going out in public and some days I don't want to socialize even with myself. I get fed up with the school trying to tell me how to be a parent when they can't even budget their own checkbook. Just because I am disabled does not mean my children are lacking proper care. Just because I have lost a lot of weight recently does not mean I am a crack addict! Ever hear of pain! You take the pills I am on and see if you can eat afterwards! It is revolting to go out to eat and watch people talk with their mouth full or sneeze across the room. I regret passing on depression to my daughter who now also is stuck dealing with the same awful feelings I do. I am tired of being just mom and wife... isn't there something more for me than dishes and whining? I am tired of being tired. I am tired of feeling everything, everyday. I just want it all to shut down and STOP!