Tired of fighting the invisible.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ClosedBook, Aug 14, 2014.

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  1. ClosedBook

    ClosedBook New Member

    I've been considering signing up to a forum for some time and always decide I would be wasting time and things will get better.

    Anyhow, I never realised that things could get worse and yet they do. Today has been a good day yet towards the evening I seem to have lost the will to live. There are so many variables in my life right now and it would take an awful long time in explaining them, so I'll tell you what's on my mind right now.

    I suffer with a long term generalised anxiety disorder as well as adult separation anxiety to none other than my mother.

    I miss my Partner (ex-partner), together for 3 years. Through the dark times and the light we would be each others shoulder, we understood each other, teased each other and made each other smile. I haven't seen her since Dec 13' and we finally had "the talk" in June of this year.

    She wasn't happy, she wanted to explore the world and "move on" with her life. One minute "I love u more than anything" the next "I can't do it anymore". I tried to reason with her and understand what she was trying to convey but to no avail.

    She wrote a tiny message on a Birthday present to me (Jan '13) saying: "I will always love you, my soulmate, my lover, my world. Your Nessie xxx"

    How could this be true with how things now stand? I can't breathe with her gone, I can't bare looking in the mirror to see a selfish, worthless and gormless face staring back. I love her with all my heart and it hurt so much not being able to prove it to her when she was in need.

    I can't see my future beyond how I feel right now and it's been months since I've laid eyes on her.

    Thank-you for listening,
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi welcome to the forum. Life at the moment is tough for you. Do not think you are alone as a lot of people suffer. I am glad you joined up as this forum will help and support you in your crisis.

    Please do not do anything, as you deserve to live your life. Loneliness is difficult and having no one does not help with your current feelings. You are important and need to keep reminding yourself of that. Yes, life hurts and everyday seems the same but one day you will find happiness. It's going to take time but you have coped so far which you should be proud off.

    You need to keep posting for further support and care.
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