tired of fighting

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Laura, Oct 13, 2015.

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  1. Laura

    Laura Member

    Im tired of fighting all the time and pretending im ok. Ive soent the last several hours researching and getting ready tidying up the flat so other people don’t have to and writing a letter to apologise for everything all I need to do is do it but something inside me wont let me and I don’t kno what ti do. I just don’t want to fight anymore
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Laura!

    I am really sorry you are hurting so much. Please think this through rationally, do you want to die? or do you wish things were different?

    You can talk freely to all of us here, tell us more about your dilemma!
    (hugs)
     
  3. Laura

    Laura Member

    i just dont want it to hurt anymore
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    What is making it hurt?
     
  5. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    Laura it sounds like it isn't death you want but an escape from the pain, and there are other ways to make the pain go away than dying, even if you can't see how now.
     
  6. Laura

    Laura Member

    I dont knw how to say it or put it unto wors. it hurts all the time and im tired of pretending it doesnt
     
  7. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    You don't have to pretend here Laura, we all understand the pain that appears for no reason, but try to remember that this pain your feeling doesn't last forever, for all you know it will be gone next week or tomorrow morning.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am sorry you feel this way, it is dark place to be in! It certainly does hurt and I think you will benefit from talking it out.. (hugs)
     
  9. Laura

    Laura Member

    the anxiety started when i went to university the depression came soon after it and its all gone down hill from there. the smallest thing starts a panic attack when then triggers negative feelings and its like a spiral. i cant do anything right i cant even get out of bed somedays i make people worry if i wasnt here they wouldnt have to worry
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    If you weren't here they would be devastated because if they are worrying in the first place that just shows they DO actually care. I haven't gotten out of bed today (saw the doctor briefly) and my memory is so bad i can't remember but don't think I went outside yesterday. I can relate. Suicide is not and should never be an option for anything. Try fighting the anxiety with therapy and medications, is that an option? I recently started college and I keep getting physically ill which I think is coming from mental illness because I am stressed. You are certainly now alone in your thoughts Laura!
     
  11. Laura

    Laura Member

    i just dont matter
     
  12. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    I know it's scary, but could you possibly reach out to one of your roomates or friends? I inderstand how difficult it can be but is there anyone you possibly feel close enough to say "I'm having a real hard time and I don't want to be alone right now" ?
     
  13. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    You matter to us Laura, and like Petal said you must matter to your roomates or else they wouldn't be worried about you.
     
  14. Laura

    Laura Member

    i tried a dr and was told that i wasnt depressed because if i was depresed i would be unemployed underweight and look scruffy. he said i was attention seeking and there was no medication for that. my roommate is away for the week and i go to uni quite far from home. too far for anuone to come over. I'm not very good at making friedns
     
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Of course you matter. Depression is masking and clouding your judgement so much that you think you don't matter. You do for sure. Maybe ask someone close to you to go and see a doctor with you? would that be an option? Laura you seem like such a nice sweet person, you don't deserve to feel this way. No one does. Go to the movies, go shopping, get your mental illness checked by a pro. Life is for living.
     
  16. Laura

    Laura Member

    i dont have my friends around me at the moment. getting out of bed is a terrifying thought let alone leaving the house and how pathetic does that sound. Ive triend a dr and he told me i was attention seeking. he kind of put me off drs to tell you the truth. there probably all like him. im sorry i didnt mean to bother anyone
     
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    First off, some doctors can be complete ignorant dickheads, I saw a doctor in 2012 who said I was attention seeking, (this was after a major OD), I asked him did he print his doctorate from 4chan (or some other board i cant remember lol). You will get good wise ones or dickheads, just all depends on the person, we must remember doctors are just ordinary people too. So please give it another chance!

    Secondly, you are not bothering anyone, don't be silly. You have been heard my friend :) and not wanting to leave the house can all be a part of your depression too. Please let us give you support that you certainly deserve, you're a fellow human being and it's a duty to comfort those in their time of need.
     
  18. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    I agree with petal the one therapist I saw was very helpful, please keep looking and don't let one bad Dr keep you from looking for help
     
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