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tired of it all

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Pitt Bull, Mar 26, 2007.

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  1. Pitt Bull

    Pitt Bull Member

    I tired of being the person out of touch with reality. I am tired of not being able to snap out of it. I am tired of having my flaws pointed out to me. I feel like I do not deserve to live. I love my wife and kids but can not be around them any more with the way I feel. I am afraid I will hurt them if I stay around. I have no where to go but need to leave. If I were to die they would hurt for a little while and then grow up to not miss me at all. It is not like I have been a good father to them recently. I have been there in body but they can tell I am not there mentally. I need to find a way to end it all with out causing too much pain for everyone. My job is in jeopardy and no one there seems to care if I were alive or dead. I hate myself and can not make it through any more therapy sessions for PTSD when my bills are pilling up. I am on the verge of bankruptcy and can not afford to even do that. If I were dead at least my wife can blame me for loosing the house and start over again. I hate depression, PTSD, and people who don't care. My wife is great until she feels insecure and then my life is a living hell. Every flaw about me is pointed out.

    I just want to die and get it all over with. Thanks to everyone for their time.
    :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I'm sorry for the situation you are in, I can't say I genuinely know how you feel because I've never been in these kind of situations. I don't think dying would help your wife, i think she'd be heart broken and in turn shed be left to pick up the pieces. If you two work together, can you try to get everything back on track?

  3. Pitt Bull

    Pitt Bull Member

    Thanks for responding. We are trying to work things out but I can not beat this feeling like it would be better if I were dead. Death seems to be the easy way out of things but it is also the hardest way out when you love someone. I really do not know what to do. If I go to the hospital they will help for the immediate time but can not stop the depression. I have been on anti depressants and they did not work. MAybe I will go talk to the crisis team and see what my options are. I want help for now and help for the future. My therapist has helped but our meetings always seem to be the same. Maybe I need a new therapist but then I would have to start over again and relive some horrible times. I will work with my family through the weekend and then see what my options are. If I still feel the same then I will go to the hospital so I am safe from myself. I really do not want to die but I do not want to hurt like this anymore.
  4. Fantasia

    Fantasia Member

    Suicide is a long term soloution to short term problems (That is not belittling your problems at all). It sounds like life is really tough for you right now and the people who should be supporting and helping you aren't. I think that you should go to your doctor and talk about some other anti depressants as I know it can take ages to find the right one.
    Maybe you could talk to your therapist and tell them that they way things are in your therapy sessions at the moment aren't helping you?
    Take care x
  5. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Dear PB,I clearly understand when you say people don't care especially the one's that understand.How I see it I know you don't want to clearly end it all and you're obviously tired of all this wretched pain.Also anyone who says to snap out of it doesn't know shit because they haven't been there like you or us.
    Also if you could just change like that you would like flicking that light switch,I mean who loves feeling depressed.About you saying you haven't been a good father recently,how could you be if you have been suffering.I understand the guilt you're feeling it comes with feeling depressed.
    I really wish I could fix thing's like that for you mate,but all I can say is that I'll be here anytime you need me for support and a shoulder to lean on.The way I see it is that you're doing really well and your best.

    P.S Dude PLEASE don't do anything drastic and give up!!!
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    PitBull I can understand where you are coming from. I have been in that situation myself, with the exception of being female and my ex not being so good. Your wife and children would not forget you and just go on with time. They would have no choice but to continue on unless they followed in your footsteps, which becomes very probable for your children. A high percentage of children whose parents suicide, choose to end their lives as well. I hope you are able to work through some of these things. PTSD and depression are crippling, I know. Healing is not easy, there is a great deal of hard work involved. Face it head on hun. Out of life is not what I hear you wanting. It is away from the pain. Hang in there. Don't give up the fight, even when you feel you can't fight anymore. You can do it. :hug:
  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Please don't kill yourself. Gentlelady is right: a lot of kids whose parent(s) commit suicide will eventually kill themselves also. Please dont leave that legacy for your kids. I know that things may seem unbearable right now but there ARE solutions. Credit counseling can help with bills. Therapy can be done with a payment plan or lowered fees due to your finances. Please don't hurt yourself. Stay here and talk to us. Talk it out so your feelings won't build up inside you and do damage to you.

    We care!!:smile:

    love,:hug: :hug:

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