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tired of it all

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i guess ill just post here, cuz whereelse do i have to go? I feel so alone, more hereso than in rl sometimes.... i dont belong here, i do not fit it, i came here to try to find a place i could fit in, and that i cannot even do. the few friends who do stick with me probs dont really want to have anything to do with me, though i care for them soo much. I wish i could leave here, just stop coming here, but i have nowhere else to go. Im tired of crying myself to sleep at night, tired of watching the music videos and bawling, hearing the radio and having to leave, and im really tired of lying and saying that the tv gives me headaches when in reality it triggers me. Reading, my only refuge, is now a triggering activity, i cant barely even read anymore. I start crying. I dont feel like my animals are what they once were. My horse is the only thing that i can truthly say i feel hapy around in rl. and even that is feeling like its fading. I dont want to do this anymore, but what else can i do... ive tried dancing in the rain, but i cant find the dance that fits me... i really should leave here, god its not helping me any, only a few people can really help on here, and they have their own lives to straiten out, and nobody else gives a shit, but hell, why should they. I need to start telling myself to back up and remeber, im nobody in this world. thats where ive gone wrong.
 
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