Hi, I don't want to make anyone feel worse by the following words, but I've got to say about myself. Since my dad died when I was 13, yes I know i'm fortunate in having one, my life took a turn for the worse. I supported my mum, who then spent 10 years in depression, then she died. I went to uni, got a degree, then as she died in my last year and had no home to return to, i decided to stay near the uni, and got a trade. It was very boring, but stayed doing it for 20 years. I left there finally, and drove to europe, looking for a better life, but it's ended up worse, no money etc, isolated, no way of leaving the island, unless i walk off, leaving my meagre possessions behind, which took me 20 years to obtain. OK, it might not sound too bad, many people lose all, ie in earthquakes, tsunamis, but for me, it's the final straw. I've thought about suicide many times since I was 14, but never attempted it, thinking things must improve, but they never have. So now, i'm seriously thinking about it, not out of desperation, but out of weariness. I'm 48, and everyday of my life has been hard for me. I once was on antidepressants, but they didnt do any good. It's the lonliness and the struggling that have done for me. I am intelligent but have a mental block, and can't improve myself. I've had friends, and helped many people out a lot. i'm not saying i deserve help, i think there is none for me, so, maybe death is an answer for me. I only stay alive for my dog, which i "love", and dont want her to miss me, so if i was going to do it, i would have to kill her too. No one would really care if i killed myself, I have no family, i dont blame the creator, or anyone, but i cant stand living anymore. I've tried to change my circumstances, but it always ends the same way, in disaster. I've tried self improvement, and i even learnt how to become a counsellor, but it didnt help. Many people say they like my etc, but it doesnt make me feel good about myself.I'm not afraid of dying, and hope each night, that i wont wake the next morning. I'm not whinging, but i have to say all this to someone. Please dont anyone read this and feel bad, this is my personal "problem". I dont want to push anyone else over the edge. We're all different, your lives will improve, but mine hasn't, so thats why I'm thinking about the final solution.