This year i havent done anything at all and i am stuck at rock bottom. Even though i am highly fucntional, i hate my life and living. Doctors and some family members are wanting me to get a job, but from my past i am to affraid to get one as i tend to have major break downs which leads to a suicide attempt rather fast. My therapy ended last month as i was not getting any benefit from it and was becoming really frustrated with it. My medications are not going to be changed at all, my friend told me the ones i am on are somewhat last try medication. I stopped taking my anti anxiety medication as it felt like i was being punched in the chestevery time i took it. I asked for group therapy as it might benefit me but sadly they dont offer it near me and the closest place is hours from me. On mondays for me i do attend a depression support group which is amazing as i get to talk to like minded people who are abke to under stand but it is not enough to make me want to live anymore. My benefit will run out next month and there is a chance i will lose it so i will be thrown in the deep end. Pretty much I dont have anything left to live for and hoping to die soon to end my suffering as i am tired of everything and have no motivation left for anything at all. Oh and where i am living suicide is becoming a major problem in my small town and towns surrounding. Within a month there has been 2-3 suicides in my town of 10,000 people and one was at a park a few hundred meters from where i live and at this rate i will be ading to the stats. Mental health is a joke here and would rather die then keep trying to get help through them from people who dont understand or really care.