I joined this site a while ago, while in a sad mood i think it was around new year or around my birthday, not sure (yes i generally hate holidays). Been visiting the site a few times but never said something myself cause i know it doesn't change anything, but now i just want to put down my feelings somewhere(or start hitting the wall or my table).
i'm 28 i only have a few friends, they're great friends but they are all living together, having kids, (living the lovely life that everyone should be able to have) so i only see them a few times a month.
they don't go out anymore, so i don't go anywhere either cause i just hate going out alone, i don't connect to people i don't know, if i go to a bar or whatever alone i just drink a beer or two and go home cause i don't feel like talking to people i don't know at all, the fact that i have psoriasis(skin condition) doesn't help at all not only does it make me affraid to show my legs or arms, at times it really causes pain too(also the reason why i had to give up doing sports).
So most of my life exists of watching tv, dvd's playing some computer games and working full time.Just a lonely pathetic life.
Never had a lot of experience with woman either, a few very short relations several years ago, just don't have the luck to meet someone it seems
Sleeping is also a disaster to me if i try to sleep i always think about all this stuff and get mad about it and can't get to sleep, this results in going to work everyday with ony about 2 hours sleep every night untill i can sleep more in the weekend when i don't have to get up in the morning.
people around me at work etc know i sleep bad(can't really hide that night after night after night), but i always tell them i just sleep bad i don't know why.
So basically i just hate my life, i've been waiting for it to be better but after all these years i am really starting to give up.
Do i want to die? yes if i'd knew i'd die tonight in some accident or whatever i couldn't care less, my life is useless and meaningless.
Everyday i think to myself i'd rather die not just last couple of days or weeks, but really for years.
I know a doctor, psychiatrist or whatever would say i'm depressed, i guess i am but i'm not crazy i know pills or therapy or whatever won't help and i still function, im always there if the few friends i have ask for some help and i'm always getting everything done at my work.
i just feel sad and lonely all the time day and night, the pain from my skin condition is just an extra thorn in my side.
Would i kill myself? i've been thinking about that alot for a long time, and that scares myself.
It's just because i've been feeling like this for a very long time that i don't see myself doing it, maybe i'm affraid of the pain it will cause or that i'm going screw it up and end up waking in a hospital with my legs not working or something like that
or i just still have some (false) hope somewhere that things still can work out for me to find a happy life
one thing i've read somewhere on the net was " everyday you don't kill yourself is a day you've won from your depression" something like that, i know it's a bit lame but i kinda like it.
Can't really imagine anyone reading this crap but at least i've finally written down how i feel, i never talk to anyone about it cause i know it doesn't change a damn thing, to other people i'm just someone that almost never sleeps enough and gets angry and agitated quickly
i'm 28 i only have a few friends, they're great friends but they are all living together, having kids, (living the lovely life that everyone should be able to have) so i only see them a few times a month.
they don't go out anymore, so i don't go anywhere either cause i just hate going out alone, i don't connect to people i don't know, if i go to a bar or whatever alone i just drink a beer or two and go home cause i don't feel like talking to people i don't know at all, the fact that i have psoriasis(skin condition) doesn't help at all not only does it make me affraid to show my legs or arms, at times it really causes pain too(also the reason why i had to give up doing sports).
So most of my life exists of watching tv, dvd's playing some computer games and working full time.Just a lonely pathetic life.
Never had a lot of experience with woman either, a few very short relations several years ago, just don't have the luck to meet someone it seems
Sleeping is also a disaster to me if i try to sleep i always think about all this stuff and get mad about it and can't get to sleep, this results in going to work everyday with ony about 2 hours sleep every night untill i can sleep more in the weekend when i don't have to get up in the morning.
people around me at work etc know i sleep bad(can't really hide that night after night after night), but i always tell them i just sleep bad i don't know why.
So basically i just hate my life, i've been waiting for it to be better but after all these years i am really starting to give up.
Do i want to die? yes if i'd knew i'd die tonight in some accident or whatever i couldn't care less, my life is useless and meaningless.
Everyday i think to myself i'd rather die not just last couple of days or weeks, but really for years.
I know a doctor, psychiatrist or whatever would say i'm depressed, i guess i am but i'm not crazy i know pills or therapy or whatever won't help and i still function, im always there if the few friends i have ask for some help and i'm always getting everything done at my work.
i just feel sad and lonely all the time day and night, the pain from my skin condition is just an extra thorn in my side.
Would i kill myself? i've been thinking about that alot for a long time, and that scares myself.
It's just because i've been feeling like this for a very long time that i don't see myself doing it, maybe i'm affraid of the pain it will cause or that i'm going screw it up and end up waking in a hospital with my legs not working or something like that
or i just still have some (false) hope somewhere that things still can work out for me to find a happy life
one thing i've read somewhere on the net was " everyday you don't kill yourself is a day you've won from your depression" something like that, i know it's a bit lame but i kinda like it.
Can't really imagine anyone reading this crap but at least i've finally written down how i feel, i never talk to anyone about it cause i know it doesn't change a damn thing, to other people i'm just someone that almost never sleeps enough and gets angry and agitated quickly