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Tired of my daughter shutting me out of her life

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by theleastofthese, Apr 11, 2008.

  1. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know I damaged my previously good relationship with my 18 yr old daughter with my year of drinking. But I"m sober now and trying to make things better and she's so cold to me, distant, and won't let me hug her before she leaves the house. Sort of pushes against me while I'm giving her a hug. I don't expect our relationship to heal instantly, after all, it took a year of drinking to damage it, but damn, she doesn't have to be SO cold. We used to get along so well, she'd tell me her innermost thoughts, and now there's little or nothing there. I guess I'm really mad at myself, more than at her, for I'm the one who DID the damage.:sad::sad::sad: I just feel so hurt and wish I could speed up the recovery before she leaves for college this fall.:sad:

    I'm going to miss her so bad when she's gone, but it seems almost like she's already gone.:sad:
  2. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    TLOT :hug:

    That sounds like a really rough situation. I bet it's hard...just an idea, have you tried buying her a nice 'Sorry' Card? Get one, and write in it, or maybe attach a piece of paper, and just try to phrase all your feelings up, let her know you've changed, and you're responsible now. See if you can very graciously ask her to forgive you.

    But, maybe it's best by mail. That way when she reads it, it can take a little to sink in and she might see that you really are sorry. You never know, hun, she may call you right after :smile:.

    That stuff is hard to deal with, but I'm here for ya :hug:
  3. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    I think Will's idea of a sorry card is a good one. It's worth a try for sure.

    I'm sorry that she is acting this way. My mom is an alcoholic and it's all I've ever known. I hope that she is able to forgive you. I'm sure that given time things will work out between the two of you. :smile:

    If you ever want to talk I'm here for you, sweetie.:hug:
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Maybe you should take her away shopping or a day trip for just the two of you! Im sure she would appreciate that. She could think that at age 18, she is too old to be hugging her parents(no offense). I think you should take her out for a meal and try and get her to open up to you, and tell her how much your hurting :hug:

    Hope it works out for you!
  5. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I don't have much, if any, extra money for shopping but perhaps a meal at a decent restaurant. I'm probably rushing things too much with her, but i feel so desperate to make amends before she goes off to college.:sad: And I don't want to 'miss her' before she's actually left the house.:sad:
  6. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    If she's going away to college, she may be unconsciously pushing you away so SHE won't miss YOU after she leaves home. I'm not sure what the name of the behavior is, but there is some theory of mind behind it.. it's not uncommon.
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    That age is a difficult one even with the healthiest of relationships. They don't want to be seen or treated as children and yet they really are not quite adults even though the law says they are by age. They want to be independednt and prove they can make it on their own without the help of parents (who incidently don't know anything at all for the next 10 years, but magically become intelligent overnight later). I am sure she is struggling with this and also a little afraid of what might happen. She has seen first hand what alcohol can do and may be afraid of getting that closeness back so soon. Give her time to develop that trust you both need. It will happen if you are patient. Please stay strong. :hug:
  8. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    well, I think it would definitely be a good idea to let her know what you have told us.. that you do not want to push things but with the situation of her leaving soon you are scared this is your last chance to make up for things before she starts a completely new life and it might be too late. by the way, im not sayin i think it will be too late when shes left. but i understand that u fear this. and i think you should tell her that, whether its in a talk or a card (nice thought by the way!) or whichever way, but just so she knows u understand that u might be pushin a little, but then she will know and im sure also understand ur reasons.

    i really wish u well and hope u get ur relationship back on track :hug: