I am very young and I know I have my whole life in front of me but I don't know if I really want to live it sometimes. I am very bright,charming,intelligent,articulate and I have natural talent for the profession I want to pursue but sometimes I wonder if I truly want to put the work in and go through living the hardships of life. I feel atleast 15 years older than my age of 18. I'm tired of all the "fun stuff" that kids my age like to do. I find being around my social circle of friends,going out,partying, getting inebriated is fun for what I call short term happiness but in the end it's rather boring,can be exhausting and is actually very empty. I don't want to go through the journey I'm ready for the climax to see what my life is going to be like, I want to settle down now or see if I will so I can determine if life truly is worth living. I'm ready for a wife and kids. I want a family now. I think that would be most fulfilling now but that's financially impossible obviously but I hate it. It's probably just the hormones talking because I'm sure they tell us to naturally reproduce to keep the species going but I want that. I just don't want to go through the stress of college,finding a job, getting on top of the totem pole in the job and hard annoying work. While at the same time I don't look forward to trying to meet that wife, I would like to have her now and not go through the hassle of dating and what not. Part of me also fears because I'm not the most self confident person is that it would be a waste of time because a part of me doesn't believe that it is possible to find the one for me, atleast the one that I like and that I'm attracted to. Everything's just so frustrating and I'm sick of it. I still don't understand why life is about achieving the goal to find the nicest and most expensive funeral and coffin. I really do believe many times that life is not worth much and working hard leads to nothing.