Tired of pretending

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MOMMYOF3, Jun 11, 2007.

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  1. MOMMYOF3

    MOMMYOF3 Member

    I have been keeping away for the past few weeks because I was trying to convince myself that life was great and I don't want to die. I have kept busy with my children and their activities and my responsibilities, but the weight of pretending is crushing me. No matter how hard I try to act like I have a normal life, my insides are screaming to let it end. I don't forsee making it through the summer without killing myself. It is harder to fake happiness every day.
     
  2. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    would u care to share with us what might be driving this urge to die? we're here and listening please take care we want to continue to see u around.
     
  3. hey

    I guess it would be difficult to pretend everything is normal when you are feeling like that. You don't HAVE to fake happiness here though - thats the great thing - you can talk about how you feel and try to sort through things a bit - the core reasons why you feel like this. You might be surprised - it could help you to start feeling better. Talking can and does help. I just think that pretending can ultimately make a person feel worse - because then it becomes difficult to even reason with yourself about what is wrong let alone with other people - and things can start to build up. So - do talk here if you feel comfortable doing so. There are people who will genuinely listen and want to see you through this time. My PM box is always open if you would prefer a private conversation :)

    Please take gentle care

    Love

    GE
     
  4. MOMMYOF3

    MOMMYOF3 Member

    I'm not sure I could explain my feeling so that they would make sense or not sound lame. I feel like an utter failure. I am so catastrophically messed up but I never tell anyone. I am busy being someones wife and 3 peoples mother and a friend that I cannot tell anyone who I am. I am not sure anyone would really want to know anyway. I am hanging on by a thread mentally, physically and financially. Everybody always says tell your loved ones how you feel, but I don't really think that is realistic. They may love me but me being honest would put a bigger roadblock up in their lives than if I just died. It would be less of a let down for everyone then if they knew all of the mistakes I have made and continue to make behind their back. I don't drink, do drugs or gamble or anything like that I am just not a whole person and nobody, no matter how much they say they love you, wants to deal with someone who is messed up just because.
     
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