tired of struggling

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dozydaisy, Mar 8, 2009.

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  1. dozydaisy

    dozydaisy New Member

    don't even know what to say anymore. i've been battling depression for so long it seems that no-one can say anything new that will make a blind bit of difference. so tired, just want to go to sleep and not wake up.
     
  2. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    hey welcome to sf,im sorry you feel this way,but please keep talking,theres lots of us around here that feel the same,im pretty much in the same situation as you and want you to no that were listening,keep posting an do let us no why you feel this way,please take care,sf can help hun.
     
  3. dozydaisy

    dozydaisy New Member

    ok, thanks. i'm just so, so tired. i don't know why i came on here. i don't really have the energy to make any new connections. my head is so muddy though i can't even decide that i've had enough. i don't have the emotional energy for anything. i have a stock of sleeping pills i gathered as a sort of security blanket, so that i could leave whenever i want. i feel like i'm going to make a decision soon, like having a coffee, or taking the pills. can't think straight enough to stop myself i think. i've just been fighting this for so long. i'm so tired.
     
  4. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hi Daisy & welcome to SF,

    Sorry to hear you're feeling so low at the moment. I agree that we probably won't tell you anything you've not heard before but sometimes that's not what matters. Often it's just reassuring being here, knowing that people are in a similar situation to yourself & that you're not alone in all this.

    I hope you stick around, it would be nice to hear more about you.

    :hug: Claire xx
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Dozydaisey,
    Welcome to the forum!! I know how lethargic depression can be..You just give up and don't care anymore. I was like that for years..Between meds, therapy , and my friends and family here at the forum I am able to deal on a dailey basis..You don't know it yet but you have inherited a whole new family being here..Let us help you and support you..What do you have to loose..Take care!!
     
  6. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi.....welcome to s.f.!!! we are very supportive and accepting. we all know how you are feeling.....

    lean on us for support.....we are here for you! we'd like to get to know you better..:arms:
     
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry to hear you have been struggling for so long. Have you sought professional help to combat these feelings? Is there a support system in place for you? If not, you have found one here with us. Please take care and stay safe. :hug:
     
  8. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Me too :puke:

    :hug: Stay strong.
     
  9. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    I hear you.
    I'm so tired of it all too. I feel i've been strong for long enough. I continue a routine only because, ironically, it is more effort to collapse. That would push my emotional energy to the limit. I'm hanging on just by keeping everything and everyone far, far away from me. I can barely handle day to day life so i know what you mean about not wanting to make new connections. To me it seems like a waste of time and will add new pressures i really don't need right now.
    All i can think though is that you did register on here. For whatever reason you did, it could help just to write even incoherent posts. You might not find what you are looking for, but at least you can say you tried.
     
  10. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    <3

    I understand how you feel, though I've not been feeling it for quite as long as you have I'll bet, though it does feel like a very long time since I felt "normal" and more like myself. I don't really have any words to help you see the light or become "better", but I am here if you ever want to talk about it with someone or just have someone listen to what you have to say.

    I hope things get better for you eventually.​
     
  11. dozydaisy

    dozydaisy New Member

    Well, I'm still here... Can't remember who asked, but yes, I have seen psychiatrists, gps, psychologists. The psychiatrists tell me it's endogonous depression, probably genetic, the gps tell me to go to the psychiatrists, the psychologists say that the psychiatrists are only interested in giving me drugs. I've been dealing with this since I was 15; I'm now 37. I have had long, good, depression-free periods, but this last episode of depression has lasted almost 18 months. I was on drugs and came off them after a year as I was sick of feeling drugged, and yes, I have tried various different drugs, and yes I know, I should have stayed on them, but I hate the bloody things. I'm just exhausted with the struggle. I just can't even bear to think about having to keep fighting this for the rest of my life. I'm sick and tired of trying to explain to people what this does to me. Most people in my life don't know that I'm depressed, as I know that they just don't get it. I can't remember how many times I've been told that this is just 'a bad phase', that I'll get over it, that I just have to try harder... I'm sick of being judged for something over which I seem to have no control. I am not a wimp and I do try very very hard to keep going. This is not just feeling sorry for myself. But no-one seems to get it, so I don't bother talking about it anymore. I only end up feeling worse, guilty somehow. I often end up feeling that once I've talked to someone, I then have to pretend to get better, quickly, to suit their expectations. I've been going around in circles with this for years and it just doesn't get any better. If it is in fact psychological, I end up feeling like a moany cow who just can't get her act together - God what a spineless picture that paints... Or maybe it is genetic, in which case I end up feeling desparate and hopeless. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like a sad excuse for a human being and I just so don't want to be here anymore. I'm tired, lost and lonely. The only thing that seems to be of any comfort anymore is going to sleep in the hope that somehow I won't wake up.
     
  12. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Hey DD,

    I am really sorry to hear about what you are going thru. I too know that feeling of wanting to go to sleep and not wake.
     
  13. dozydaisy

    dozydaisy New Member

    so tell me this. now that i have the dutch courage built up, why shouldn't I?
     
  14. bluebird002

    bluebird002 Active Member

    :sad: I can relate. It goes on too long and too tired..

    When I read that you had a stockpile of sleeping pills, my first thought was that it probably wouldn't kill you and might leave you with physical problems. I think that's a good reason why you shouldn't. Overdosing has a high failure rate.

    hugs. I hope you feel better soon.
     
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