I am at the point in my life where I am so tired of the never ending cycle. I have three suicide attempts in my past. Each one leading to long term hospitalizations. I've had numerous other hospitalizations because my husband is very in tune with my stability or lack of. I've been rejected by multiple psychiatrists because they aren't comfortable dealing with someone with "my issues" or someone as "unstable" as I am. I have been on over 20 different medications and I'm having to increase my doses every few months. I constantly want or need to hurt myself so that I don't hurt myself. I'm turning to drugs more frequently because I am desperate for some sort of relief. I can't stand to be in my head anymore! I just want to stop the suffering. I can't live like this for another 30 years.