tired of this life, tired of trying...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lifeless84, Mar 11, 2012.

  1. lifeless84

    lifeless84 Well-Known Member

    I was brought up a looser, I have no practical skills in anything. For whole my life I haven't been allowed to do anything, as I've always been told that I could either hurt myself or brake something, that I was not smart enough to do something or I simply didn't know how something worked and was not allowed to find it out for same reasons as listed earlier. I was told to learn, learn and once again learn, as learning was supposed to be the only key to success in life. I wasn't bad, yet, far from being among top students no matter how hard I was trying (and I was always compared to those better than me), so I spent most of my life with books. OK, I liked sport and I could play with friends, but was born in wrong place in wrong time, so there was no chance for me to even consider a sport career (was much better in sport than in learning). I finished mechanical engineering (was told to study it), but with the lack of practical aspects, it was just a raw theoretical knowledge I didn't know how to put in use. Now my memory is so degenerated, I barley remember anything from studies (being 28 this year). I ended up with a job I truly hate, with a job that does not give me financial independence, still have to live with parents, or I wouldn't be able to make it from month to month on my own spending money for basic needs only and taxes. Don't know what to do, don't know where to find strength and motivation to even try to move forward, Running out of ideas... Hate myself and this life...
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I think it takes small steps to change...with mechanical engineering, is there something in sports that you can combine the two? Maybe sports arenas will include both your enjoyments...see what you can do to find something you would like, and then go get it...the best way to overcome inerta is movement...best of luck and try to say "i can do it" before trying each step
     
  3. lifeless84

    lifeless84 Well-Known Member

    the problem with mechanical engineering is, I am neither good at it, nor really interested in it. I studied it, because I was told to. I was and still am overwelmed by my parents (controlling, autoritary). That's why I consider those five years of studies wasted time for chasing someones dream, not my. That's why the only chance for me is getting of of here, as far from them as I can. And as fast as possible. That's why small steps is not a way of solving my problems, and it drives me more and more crazy. I am closed in so called "false circle". To get better I need to get out of here, to get out here I need to get better job, but to get a better job, I need to get better, belive in myself. Circle closes.
    There are three things I would like to do
    1) be a basketball / volleyball / tennis player - but I am way to old to begin a sport career
    2) be a drawer / painter, but I am not gifted, I don't have that thing inside me to become one.
    3) skydiving - I've dreamed of it since I can remmember, but financial aspects kill this dream...