Tired of trying and tired of being tired

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by introuble, Jan 28, 2013.

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  1. introuble

    introuble Member

    I have had it, for six months now Ive lost my fiancee, got my electric and gas turned off, (ive been living in my car and yes starving),used all my money for gas for heat at night when I stay in the woods, had the police looking for me because Ive been gone with no way to talk to anyone due to my phone being turned off, lost my daughter due to the act of suicide (which I unfortunately failed!)I cant call the suicide hotline due to no phone (which doesnt help) Ive lost my job and have no phone to get a job and my water pipes broke and lastly my mothers sick in the hopsital, how do you NOT want to die when all this happens to you?! Im done, I give up, nothing is right and isnt getting better any time soon. Ive thought how I am going to do it which is fool proof this time. The only thing I worry about is my daughter, ive messed her life up so bad and im such a failure to her, I just want her to have a good life without me screwing it up!! I hope I dont burn in hell but then again im already in hell
     
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Honestly, I don't think there is anything you could do that would make your daughter not love you as her father... and so leaving her, regardless your situation, may not be a wise act. I can tell you that I once had a decent life and good things, then took a gamble that eventually cost me everything and my wife, first child, and I were living in my van in a parking lot... AND YET, today I am quite successful. My point is that things can turn around. It's not easy and it does not happen fast, but when you get there and you look back, you find that you're happy you pushed forward. Food for thought, from someone who's been there and done that.
     
  3. introuble

    introuble Member

    First Im her mother, if you want to call me that! Ive waited and tried to make things better and all i get are road blocks everywhere! Everyday, day after day and now month after month!! I try to make things TURN around and they are getting worse. Everyday something goes more wrong and I only see one way out. The only reason Im still here is because I promised my daughter after my attempt that I wouldnt do it again. I dont want to break my promise to her but every minute im closer to it, and i dont reallly care anymore what happens, she will understand when shes older, or not, all I know is this pain is worse and still no light. She will realize shell be better off without me ONE DAY, when she looks back at her messed up life, i took her to her dads house so she wont find me. Its already done and im done.
     
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