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tired of trying to go on

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This is a last resort for me,, I am trying to get up the courage to ens it
am bi-polar and have tried all the meds without success
I am 65 and lived with this since i was 12,, got in to drugs and alcohol in my late teens and self medicated for years ,, nothing stops the depression and wild thoughts
My family doesn't understand nor try, they have pretty much initiated me,, but if there is any problem it is always mom, because she isn't right
The problem I raised them alone and tried to give them a normal life under the circumstances and felt I did the best I could
I over compensated and always allowed them to put me on quilt trips, their way of manipulating me
Any way , I am tired of trying to get people to love and except me and give me the support I so desperately need
I am just letting who ever know I love much kids and grand kids but without them I am nothing and so lonely I just want to give up and end it
I will do it , it is just a matter of when,, I had a wonderful life even though it was tough raising three girls alone
I have always loved and excepted each one of them and over looked their faults ,, they can't do the same for me,, and day by day my spirit is dying and life means nothing to me
I am sorry I was even born because I was born to the wrong family and that is where the problem started


Active Member
I really feel for you. I think it's amazing you raised three girls alone with bipolar. I'm so sorry they blame things on you. That's just something kids do sometimes at any age. "Sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child." I wish I could help you. It sounds like you've tried medications - keep trying there are LOTS of medications out there- but have you found a good therapist too? One that really helps you?
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